Shenanigans of the Force Kind
by Imperial Remnant
Summary: WRITTEN PRE-TFA. Join Kylo Ren, Captain Phasma and General Hux as they get up to ridiculous shenanigans. (Kind of Kylo/Hux/Phasma OT3-ish, although not at first. More Kylo/Hux toward the end) Many other characters from The Force Awakens will also come in (Snoke, Finn, Rey, Poe Dameron, Han, Maz Kanata, Chewie, Leia, BB-8 etc). Complete and utter crack.
1. As Unlikely as a Gundark in a Tutu

**Summary: Kylo attempts to put a Gundark into a tutu. Phasma and Hux aren't quite happy about it.**

"I will finish what you started," Kylo Ren spoke to himself… or, well, maybe to Vader through the force or something we may never know. What Kylo didn't know, however, was that Captain Phasma walked up right behind him, overhearing his speech.

"Finish what?" She asked causing the knight to jump and pull his lightsaber out, ready for battle, nearly cutting his hand off with the two small blade things sticking from the side.

"I will finish what Vader started," Kylo elaborated, "at least, that's what's implied on the official trailer."

"Yes, of course, but what exactly did Vader start? Are you planning on bringing Senator Amidala back from the dead? Save people from dying? Rule the galaxy with Luke Skywalker?"

"ALL OF IT!" Kylo yelled, hands flying up (along with his lightsaber, almost cutting off _Phasma's_ hand this time).

Captain Phasma remained silent a moment, wondering how to reply to such a ridiculous notion, "That sounds as unlikely as… a… a gundark wearing a tutu."

Now it was Kylo's turn to say nothing, wondering how he could prove possible to do all that. But if a gundark in a tutu was what she wanted, a gundark in a tutu she would get! "Nay, dear captain. I have the most kool idea!"

"Why is cool spelt with a k?" Phasma inquired.

"I was trying to make a pun with Kylo and something meaning awesome but I'm just awful at puns."

Captain Phasma sighed, becoming most weary of whatever idea Kylo had now. Couldn't be any worse than the incident involving an astromech and bust of Emperor Palpatine which ended up a planet wide disaster. Not to mention lead into another battle with the resistance…with the First Order losing. But suppose it better than the situation with Snoke in a bantha onesie and a commander ending up dead after Kylo offered them his lightsaber.

It was those weird force damn handles.

Makes one wonder how any of this happened. Suppose it her fault really. Phasma always ended up saying the most ridiculous thing and he tries them. A thought which made Captain Phasma's stomach turn. If he's about to put a tutu on a gundark she was prepared to shoot him dead.

"Come along, Captain!" Kylo was out of the bridge, walk with a bounce, lightsaber swinging. Phasma followed, quite reluctant.

* * *

Where in the ever loving fuck they had managed to get a gundark from stumped Phasma. But when they came to the planet's surface, there it was, in a pit it couldn't possibly climb out of. A great hulking monster, the gundark was about three metres tall, an abnormally large gundark. Throwing around its four arms, trying to get out of the pit, banging at the sides. The pit was deep, but if it got out a few metres along the gundark would be blocked by smooth metallic walls twenty metres high. And the doors (if it could use doors) small enough so it couldn't exit.

If the situation wasn't worse enough already, Kylo had insisted everyone helping out had to wear a tutu, revealing a collection of them in several colours. And force-dammit if Phasma didn't get one the same colour as her armour. If she was going to wear a tutu it would look bloody good.

Kylo, on the other hand, had it easy. He wore all black so any colour he wore would look fine. But why he had chosen pink was beyond Phasma. Although he insisted it wasn't pink, but a razzmatazz, with light falu trimming, and cerise and mauve glitter. To Phasma it was a glittery pink tutu, but whatever.

Other than the two of them, the few troopers, and Knights of Ren who decided to help out, only the gundark remained tutu-less.

"I had a tutu especially designed for the gundark," Kylo explained, a Tie Fighter lowering itself overhead, modified so a larger tutu could be attached to the bottom.

"Where did you get these tutus in such a short amount of time?" Phasma asked, shocked, watching the gundark trying to run away from the impending tutu being lowered over its head.

"Always pays to be prepared!" Kylo answered. The gundark reached up to grab hold of the tutu, pulling it to the ground with the ship still attached to it. Pulling the ship onto the pit ground, the gundark stomped on it, crushing the TIE fighter, pilot still aboard.

Everyone stared.

The ship crushed, tutu being torn apart, its shredded pieces surrounding the gundark. Kylo remained optimistic as ever, "Time for plan B! Or as I like to say Kypla… no, plyro… Renplan…" Kylo presumably twisted his face (one could never tell under a mask), concentrating harder than he ever had in his life (if only he did in battle). He gave up, saying "Bring in the spare! I'll use the force!"  
For fucks sake.

* * *

Phasma hated to say it, but this time it went better. The ship stayed far out of the pit, Kylo sitting down, arms up, eyes closed, moving the tutu down. His own tutu getting dirty from being in the grime (sure they were on an ice planet, but some major heaters were on nearby walls melting the snow and instead they got mud). But so adamant to get a tutu on a gundark, Kylo didn't care.  
The gundark, becoming restless again, watched with unease another tutu being lowered.

"Somebody stop the gundark from moving!" Kylo yelled to his Knights. They appeared reluctant, or as reluctant as anyone in a mask could look. Too late. The gundark went wild and ripped the tutu apart again.

Kylo sighed with frustration, standing up, "And I got my tutu dirty for nothing!"

A trooper in a yellow tutu came up to them and said, "Sirs, General Hux wishes to see you."

Phasma heard Kylo puff, then say "Inform the General one must wear a tutu when entering the area!"

From somewhere around them they heard, "I am not wearing a tutu!"

But Kylo, being Kylo, threw his arms up, yelling out to the troopers, "Somebody get this man a tutu!"

* * *

General Hux joined them a few moments later wearing a dark green tutu.

"You are here at my base," General Hux said, exasperated, "The last thing I need you doing is…" he wavered off, staring down at the pathetic scene. The gundark sat in its pit, surrounded by ripped pieces of clothing- the tutu. Everyone standing around or near the pit wore colourful array of the attire.

The gundark let out a whine.

"I don't care what you're doing," Hux said, "Just, kill the goddamn thing and get back to the fleet, you're needed for a mission."

"Now there's an idea!" Kylo pulled his lightsaber out. He jumped into the pit, activating the lightsaber. Before the gundark could react, Kylo had stabbed it in the heart. As quick as he jumped in, he jumped out.

Everyone stared.

"Somebody put a tutu on this gundark!" Kylo yelled out. His fellow Knights moved to obey. Kylo turned off his lightsaber, attaching it back to his belt. He put his hands on his hips, puffing his chest, "Kylo Ren is Krill…Ant. Kawe…Some. Uhh…Never mind."

Hux looked ready to kill him, "Ren, I"m reporting you to Snoke. And hope I don't see you again until I have to or there will be spice mines to pay."

Kylo put his hand up to object, but Hux was already out of there, ripping his tutu off, yelling something to a nearby trooper to take off his preposterous poofy puffed petticoat (say it real fast), and follow him.

"Well that's not good," Kylo said, watching Hux leave.

Captain Phasma was grinning under her helmet, feeling giddy, "Looks like _Kylo_ better… _lie-low_."

It earned her sighs and groans from all around, and no words from Kylo who just glared.


	2. Hux, Hugs, Hunks

**Summary: Hux attempts to report Kylo to Snoke for unprofessional behaviour.**

After the incident with the Gundarks, Phasma wasn't looking forward to being around Kylo _or_ Hux. Hux being worse though, but fortunately his anger hadn't been directed at her. Unfortunately, Hux was in an even worse mood after trying to report Kylo to Snoke.

Funny story that.

So get this, Hux had, and it's not like Phasma overheard this conversation. Or even heard it recounted by Hux himself. No, this was absolutely, definitely from down the grape vine. From, like, the engineer from the eightieth floor or something. Not that there were floors on Star Destroyers, because it was totally and completely on Starkiller Base. Maybe. Who knows? Well, it doesn't really matter where she heard it because she could tell anyone she came across that it's completely true, on the Emperor's grave.

Hux called up Snoke, the Supreme Leader being rather annoyed by the intrusion.

"This had better be good Hut," Snoke said, "I'm busy."

"Hux," General Hux corrected him, calm, composed.

"Whassat?" Snoke asked, his attention off screen.

"It's General Hux, sir."

"Woops, sorry Hugs. What can I do you for?"

General Hux let out a quick sigh, "Sir, Kylo Ren has been, well, unprofessional."

"Kylo!? Never!" Snoke disappeared off screen a moment, yelling at somebody to hold down the rancor. He appeared again.

If Hux heard, he didn't mention it as he continued, "Sir, I found him with a Gundark in a-,"

"Look here, kid," Snoke interrupted, but at least he now looked at Hux, "Kylo Ren is the best thing to ever happen to this Order. And to the Knights. So force tell me, Hunks-"

"Hux."

"-what did Kylo do that was so unprofessional?"

"That's what I was trying to explain, sir," Hux was quite good at keeping composure, but he was cracking, "See, Kylo had a gundark brought over to the base, and a bunch of tutus. I had to have the shipping department check that out, and he had those tutus shipped in months ago! Why had no one said anything? Anyway, sir, sorry, yes I can see you're busy. So, he wore a tutu and tried to put another one on a gundark! He destroyed one of our TIE fighters, one of our _best_ pilots were killed."

"I can see how this could upset you kid," Snoke told him, "but you gotta tell me: Did everybody else wear tutus?"

Hux didn't reply immediately, too taken aback, "I…yes, sir. I had to wear one to enter the area, but I don't see how-,"

Snoke put his hand up to stop Hux from continuing, "Then I don't see the problem."

Hux remained silent, in complete disarray. Then, "Sir, Ren wasted the Order's money on… on…useless… things."

Snoke scoffed, "Money well spent, I say! Look, Harks, this rancor is getting really drunk, so I gotta run."

"Sir, you're getting a rancor drunk? Sir, are you sure that's a good idea, sir?" Hux was really getting out of it.

And Phasma, who totally wasn't right around the corner or outside the door or anything, realised Snoke was getting a rancor _drunk?_ Dear Force. She'd rather see Kylo in a circus. Much less dangerous, yet still horrifying.

Snoke continued, "Call me when ya gotta real issue, kid. Like that Slyplobber or something."

"Of course sir," Hux said exasperated, "Just-," Hux was cut off by Snoke cutting him off.

The room now dimmed from Snoke cutting off. Insulted to be cut off (because cut off), Hux stood up taller, straightening his shirt.

"Captain," Hux said to Phasma- who, as said earlier, was absolutely not right outside the door. Phasma stood at attention, legs clacking together, standing straight, blaster over chest.

"Find Kylo, we need to organise this next mission," he sighed, "unfortunately we can't do it without him."

"Of course sir," Phasma told him. Hux exited the room and Phasma followed. "Sir, just, one more thing."

"Yes Captain?" Hux didn't sound so annoyed anymore. But Phasma liked to think she had that sort of effect on people.

"What colour do you think Kylo's tutu was?"

Hux made that expression, the one people made when they were asked the most obvious question in the galaxy. Which Hux also pointed out, "That's the most obvious question in the galaxy. Pink, of course."

Phasma gave a firm nod, "Indeed, sir. As I told him. He disagreed."

"He'll be the death of us," Hux shook his head. "Go and find him, Captain. Meet me in Conference Eighteen."

* * *

Hux entered the conference room, greeted with a chorus of "Morning General Hugs, sir!"

"It's Hux!"

* * *

Phasma found Kylo in the Knights Quarters. Regrettably, she walked in on him at the worst time.

"OH GOD!" Phasma screamed, horrified at the sight in front of her.

Kylo had powder all over his mask, blush on where his cheeks would be, lipstick where his mouth would be, lip liner, eyeliner, eye shadow, mascara. Like a clown. Phasma grabbed hold of the door arch to stop herself from toppling over.

"Hi!" Kylo said, in the middle of doing the blush. Brush in one hand, container in the other.

It took a moment before Phasma could speak, "What. Are. You. Doing?"

"I found a makeup brand named after me!" Kylo said, chirpy as always, "So I decided to use it!"

Phasma went up to the blush container, grabbing it from him and reading the brands name, to see _Kryolan_ written on the bottom.

"This doesn't say Kylo Ren, you nerf!" Phasma waved the blush in front of him.

"Yes it does!" Kylo insisted, trying to grab it back, "It says so on the container! Give it back, Phasma!"

"Nah-ah!" Phasma held the blush up in the air, "It says Kryolan, not Kylo Ren!"

"It says Kylo Ren!" He started jumping, trying to get the blush back. "Give it, give it, giiive iit!"

"Not until you admit it doesn't say Kylo Ren!" Phasma yelled at him.

Kylo started screaming back, continuing to insist it said Kylo Ren. The two ran around, first in the room, leaving the room and into the quarters of the other Knights, who were, quite conveniently, absent.

The sight would have horrified Hux. His best Captain running from a Knight of Ren who had smothered their mask in makeup. Over a _blush_ container.

Phasma found herself cornered, having shoved a table between her and Ren, but almost against a wall.

"Alright, I'll give it back," Phasma said, "But under one condition."

"It says Kylo Ren!" Kylo insisted.

"No, not that," Phasma said, "You have to tell me something else."

Kylo nodded, relaxing his stance, no longer appearing like he planned to attack or run after her. Phasma also relaxed and then asked, "Do you…"

Kylo looked like he was squirming.

"…love…"

Kylo stiffened.

"…Darth Vader?"

Silence. Kylo shrugged, "Well sure, I mean everybody kinda knows that already, so I don't see what the big deal is."

"Are you gay?" Phasma threw the blush back to Kylo.

"Oh I love Darth Vader so that _must_ make me gay," Kylo said, "Kinda homophobic, man."

"Well calling me man is sexist."

"Calling me sexist is man."

"What?"

Another argument would have formed, had it not been for a comlink going off. Phasma answered, General Hux's voice heard over the comm, "Captain, where are you and Ren?"

Phasma replied, "Had an issue, sir. We're fine. Well, I'm fine."

"As long as you're okay, Captain. Just get here, for Force's sake."

"Yes sir," Phasma replied, Hux cut off the call.

Phasma gestured Kylo to follow her and the two headed off to the conference room.

* * *

When they arrived to the meeting, both saluted, saying "General Hunks!" Hux glared at them, not wishing for their childishness right now. He stared at Kylo the longest, for both had forgotten about Kylo's mask still smothered in makeup. Hux didn't bother asking.


	3. Of Rice and Ren

**Summary: Kylo loves rice, maybe Hux does too? (Attempted to use Of Mice and Men lyrics through this. Maybe got a little corny at the end!)**

Rice was delicious. In fact, it was Kylo's favourite food. So it was telling that he hadn't had a single bite, only poking at it.  
He sighed, resting his head on his hand, still not touching his food. Why did General Hux hate him so? Perhaps he was too quick to criticize, after all, it's not like Kylo had been doing the most rational things recently. Hux was probably sick of his kind, of the Knights, of _him_. But his words had hurt like stones, like knives, picking and stabbing. Only wishing that Phasma was alright and not him? It was insulting. No, not insulting. It was heart breaking, and he heard it (metaphorically), it was like glass.  
Hux hadn't even spoken to him directly during the entire meeting. So afterwards Kylo withdrew to the Knights eating quarters, hoping rice would make him feel better. It didn't. There was only one thing to do. Kylo had to fix this.

Large packets of rice were everywhere in the cabinets. Kylo would have thought there'd be rations, but no. It was rice. He wasn't sure if that was a tragedy, but he really loved rice so not for him. Maybe Hux loved rice too, that would make things easier! They'd have a common interest! Kylo started to grab the sacks of rice, carrying a couple in his arms, levitating a few others with the force. He left the eating quarters, heading over to General Hux's room, a plan forming in his mind.

* * *

"This machinery is the most important creation of the First Order thus far. It will help us defeat The Resistance for sure," a man had come in with the shipment was telling General Hux.  
Hux had no idea what the fuck it was, but apparently it was the most extremely important piece of equipment for the newly constructed DOUBLE DEATH STAR ("Double the Death! Not even a Star!") on Starkiller Base. How it was so important Hux didn't know. It was only up to his waist and could dragged and pushed around due to the repulsorlift.

"I'll keep it in my personal quarters," Hux told the man, whatever his name was he couldn't remember, "Nobody but me is allowed in or out of there."

The man nodded, "Of course sir. I'll be checking in to see if other components are coming in. And please remember, sir, not to have food or water near the machine."

"Of course. Dismissed, lieutenant," Hux looked back at the device.

"Err, I'm just a mechanical…dude…sir," the man said.

"Just get out of my sight," Hux waved his hand, the man left.

Hux stared at the device, rolling it straight into his quarters himself. It was cylindrical at the top, small openings in it, only big enough for grains to get in. He'd have to be careful with what he had around.

* * *

Kylo was just around the corner from General Hux's room. Some people had tried to stop him from coming up here. Assholes. It had required some force and lightsaber usage on his part to actually get through. They had been ever so rude.

Arriving at the door to Hux's room, Kylo knocked.

"Who the bloody fuck-," Kylo heard from behind the door, "I said nobody could-," the door flew up, the two of them now face to face. "REN WHAT IN THE FUCKING FORCE?"

The levitating bags of rice dropped, Kylo hugged tighter onto his two sacks he was carrying, "I bought a peace offering."

"A pea-peace offering!?" Hux looked incredulous, and angry, "I don't- I just- I- what!?"

Kylo spotted a machine up beside the wall of his room, "Oh that looks fascinating! What is it?" Kylo pushed past Hux, not realizing the General's most pissed off expression.

"That is very important, don't touch it!" Hux told him, "and keep those bags away, whatever's in them." Hux grabbed one from Kylo's arms, managed to lift it out of his arms but then dropping it to the floor, a loud THUD. Hux looked at Kylo with a bewildered expression.

"It's rice," Kylo told him.

"There's no possible way that's rice," Hux insisted.

"Oh but it is!" Kylo turned on his lightsaber, cutting open the bursting bag of rice. The grains of rice then spat out of the bag, flying into the machine.

"REN!" Hux yelled, trying to grab the rice bag from him to stop the grains from flying at the machine. Of course, the bag was heavy and the two of them tripped over during the struggle. A shelf was hit, and a glass of water Hux had forgotten about fell over and splattered all over the machine. Sparks flew. Hux screamed. Kylo cried. The machine died.

Silence. A pathetic scene. Kylo and Hux were on the floor, rice everywhere, the machine broken.

Hux was the first to speak, getting up off the floor, "Why do I bother." He went over to press the door open, ready to leave.

A small voice stopped him, "I'm sorry."

Hux turned, facing Kylo, arcane eyes staring at his mask.

Hux huffed, "No, no you're not. You never learn."

"But," Kylo shuffled, changing positions. He stayed on the floor, but on his knees, "I'm sorry."

"You know, I've never heard you apologise," Hux said, "But it's too late. Just…pick up those pieces," he gestured to the rice still on the floor, "and find a way to bring back glory to the Ren name. You know, because every time I see you do something so goddamn stupid, I'd rather just…" Hux was silent.

"Burn alive?" Kylo offered. No reply. Kylo continued, "You know, maybe you could try to see my side of things."

"No," Hux said, not wanting to drown in Kylo's reality. It seemed terrifying, "See it from my side. These have been the hardest years of my life, and… okay, look, I understand why you're needed. Why Snoke wants you around, they'll never find another you. But this shame that you're bringing to the Order, it's… It's ridiculous. It's stupid. I can't… How am I supposed to see through your eyes when you never… Force, just forget it! I'm leaving."

"Leaving!?" Kylo finally dropped the empty bag of rice from his arms, "But you're our best General! And what about the base!?"

"I'm not leaving for good you-," Hux seemed like he was going to insult Kylo, but changed his mind and said, "I'm just taking the night off, Kylo. Clean this mess, and you can contact Snoke about the broken machine." He said nothing more. He didn't want to, and left the room.

Kylo was still in the room, on his knees. He wasn't sure how long he sat there, but he finally got up and started to clean. Days were like pages, he told himself as comfort. He had to keep turning them, wondering when the book would end.


	4. Finn's Night Out

**Summary: Finn decides to take a night off and go to the Pub. He comes across a very drunk General Hux.**

Finn wasn't one to get out much. This having more to do with the rules of the Order and now the Resistance than personal choice. But he did need a night away, go to a pub, have a drink. Away from everything.

Having changed his clothes from ones with the resistance emblem to appearing like an average-joe, he got into an X-Wing and decided to go to a nearby planet, known to not be occupied by either territory. Yet.

* * *

The pub itself was small. It was filled with humans and other beings doing dealings. Bounty Hunters sat in the corner, he could tell from their armour and weapons. Some musicians were playing, no doubt some smugglers and other criminals were mingling around. In fact, Finn wouldn't be surprised if _everyone_ was a criminal. Even that small child looking alien with the large eyes hanging from the ceiling.

He looked away from it, a little freaked out.

"Just a shot of Corellian Vodka," Finn said to the bartender, taking a seat at a stool. He hadn't noticed at first the man next to him, but when he turned his head to finally take a look he nearly fell to the floor.

"General Hux?" Finn freaked out. Why had he just said that? What if Hux decided to kill him? What if he followed Finn back to the Resistance?

Hux replied with incoherent slurring. Finn put his hand to his chest, closing his eyes, letting out a grateful sigh. Seems the General was very much out of it.

"Err, are you alright, General?" Finn decided to ask. The guy clearly needed help.

Hux shrugged, "Are any of us alright, soldier? Are we? Do you know how hard it is to be a General of this Order? To be around Kylo Ren constantly?" Hux said all this very slow, very slurred. It took an extra minute for Finn to decipher what he had said and give a reply.

In the meantime, Finn's drink was bought to him, and he asked the bartender how much Hux had to drink. Finn would never repeat the amount, ever, but turns out it was a lot.

"Sir," Finn started, wondering what question to ask. But if Hux is drunk enough, he'd answer anything, "What did Kylo do this time?" Start off easy.

"What _hasn't_ he done!? There was that whole thing with the gundark and tutus. On _my_ base. It was a terrible mess. Snoke didn't even care. Then, then! Force, he destroyed our best weapon thingy, machine thing, I don't even know what it was but I was told it was important," Hux started crying, head falling onto the counter.

Finn slowly put his hand up, then gave a pat on the back, and another. He pulled his hand away quickly and said, "Sounds like things aren't going so well." He took his shot of vodka.

Hux lifted his head, "Most people are doing just fine in the Order. It's just, Kylo's ruining _everything_. Why can't he be just like one of the other Knights? Evil, destroying the enemy. Why he bothered apologizing I don't even know."

"He _apologized_?" Now Finn was interested. What sort of drama was happening between Hux and Kylo? And what was this gundark and tutu thing he had mentioned earlier? Must be some kind of code. Maybe this was all some sort of code.

"I mean Phasma, I understand," Hux said, "She can do her fucking job. But Kylo? He never even knows when to. And what do I say when he says sorry? What do I do? And it's weird because on field he knows how to do everything. How does he know then, but not any other time? It's all such a mess."

Phasma was involved too? Finn had no idea what the General was on about, but it was kind of starting to sound like something he wouldn't want to get involved in. Force, he hated love triangles in fiction, he'd hate to see it in reality. Especially if it left Hux in a blubbering mess like this. Besides, Hux, Kylo and Phasma? What an interesting mix.

"Look, people are different. They have their own ways of showing how they feel," Finn said to Hux as he signalled to the bartender for another shot. He was going to need it.

Hux looked like he was actually pondering on what Finn said, replying, "So what do I do?"

"Well I don't know Kylo personally that well," Finn shrugged, "Maybe he's screwing up because he wants the attention."

Some more silence from Hux. Finn started to realize that it might be because Hux was so hammered, not from pondering.

"So... we need to spend more quality time together?" Hux asked, the bartender bringing him another large drink.

"Exactly!" Finn said, taking his own shot, "but don't leave Phasma out of the mix or things might start getting... messy."

Hux was nodding... or what Finn figured was nodding. His head was going in all directions. "Yeah, yeah!" Hux stood up, putting credits on the counter, "I'm going to go now! I'm going to fix this!"

Finn also threw his credits onto the counter, deciding to not leave the General to go out alone. Especially since he couldn't keep himself up. Finn helped the General up and the two left the pub, Finn pretty much dragging Hux.

Finn was about to ask where he parked, but he noticed the shuttle a few meters away from the entry of the pub. Some troopers were standing around. Thank goodness, they could take him back. The thought of kidnapping Hux also crossed his mind, but he couldn't take advantage of a guy like this. Especially with his issues right now.

Finn walked up to the shuttle, the troopers coming to help him take the General.

"Uh, you should probably take him back to the fleet," Finn told them.

"Thanks for helping," one of the troopers said, "You've been an upstanding citizen!"

Before a couple of troopers carried the near-passed-out General back to the shuttle, Hux turned to face Finn. "Thank you, soldier," Hux tugged him into a hug, which Finn quickly pulled himself away from.

"Bless, thanks," Finn said, ready to run for it in case anyone recognised him.

"Hold up," Another trooper said, coming up close to Finn, helmet right in his face, "You look familiar."

"That type of face!" Finn said quickly, "look, I gotta get back home to my wife, the kids..." Finn was inching away, "I was happy to help out." He turned and ran. Luckily he had parked a few blocks down so they wouldn't see his X-Wing.

* * *

Finn only told Rey about what happened at the Pub. After some brain storming and clear thinking, they decided what had been said by Hux was gone and past, and wasn't important. Things must have been pretty bad for the Order if _General Hux_ had gone to get drunk. They did, however, tell Leia that now would be the best time to try and get something from the First Order.

Not long after, the Resistance had managed to intercept something the Order was shipping. Han was the one to open the container, "What the hell is this!?"

Everyone crowded around the container, thinking they'd hit a jackpot.

They all stared at the collection of colourful tutus.


	5. Easy Does It

**Summary: Hux comes back to base completely smashed.**

Phasma went looking for Hux, but instead found Kylo cleaning up some mess in his chambers.

"Doesn't the General have cleaners?" Phasma asked from the door way.

Kylo hadn't noticed her enter at first, which was odd. But he looked up when she spoke, "It's my fault." He went back to cleaning. He had taken his scarf and hood off, gathering the small grains into it- whatever they were.

"What did you do this time?" Phasma asked, wondering if she had enough humility to help him. She didn't.

Kylo gestured to a machine emitting off sparks, "I broke it. I thought I could fix everything with this."

"What the bloody banthas are you on about?" Phasma asked him.

"I thought I'd bring him a peace offering," Kylo was actually sounding frustrated, "I thought I could make him like me. It didn't work, I wrecked it. Like I always wreck everything. I got the rice everywhere, it went into the machine. Water spilt onto it."

Phasma leaned forward to take a closer look at what he was picking up. Rice. She didn't know whether to laugh or pity the man for thinking something so useless could fix anything. "You thought you could fix everything with rice?"

Kylo said nothing.

Phasma still contemplated whether she should help him. Seeing him on the floor, picking up rice was just...sad. She turned to leave, but somebody crashed into her, and she looked down to see the ginger hair of General Hux.

"General," She greeted, a little surprised. Something was very wrong with the General, as he couldn't keep himself straight. Phasma had to grab hold of him so he didn't fall over. His next words were slurred, but could just be made out, "Are ya' guy's doin' anything?"

"I'm cleaning," Kylo had stopped picking up the rice though, looking up, his head tilting like he was figuring out what was wrong with the general.

"Sir, are you drunk?" Phasma asked.

"We should totes hang out or somethang," Hux said, ignoring Phasma, "Go on a picnic. Hey, hey Ky, wanna go on a picnic?"

"I _do_ like picnics General," Kylo said.

"Don't indulge him," Phasma snapped to Kylo, then to Hux, "Sir, perhaps you should go to medbay."

"You're invited too, Phasy," Hux put his finger up to her helmet, just where her nose was, and said, "Boop!" He passed out. Phasma still held onto him so he wouldn't fall to the ground.

"Maybe we should get him to his bed," Kylo stood up.

"Good idea," Phasma said, wondering why Hux had decided to go and get drunk at this time in the morning. Perhaps it was night on the colony he had visited. Still. Many of the other higher ups won't be happy.

So Kylo and Phasma picked him up, Phasma from under his arms, Kylo took his legs.

"Oh crap," Phasma said, accidentally letting Hux slip and his side hitting the door frame.

"He's heavier than he looks," Kylo complained, moving across the floor, careful of the rice. They got to the other end of the room where there was another room. Kylo tried to kick the controller to open the door, only to miss. His foot went through the wall instead.

"Woops, hang on," Kylo tried again, and missed.

"For fucks sake, Kylo," Phasma said, ready to place Hux down to open it herself. But third time's the charm, Kylo hit the panel and the door slid open. Phasma took a step forward, but slipped on a few grains of rice. Hux's head hit the floor with a loud THUD.

"That's not good," Kylo said, "What if he gets brain damage?"

"Then Force help us," Phasma got back to her feet and picked Hux up again. "We've already got _you_ to deal with."

Kylo didn't reply to that either. Neither of them spoke again until they managed to get Hux onto his bed. After they put him down, Kylo moved away and accidentally bumped into his bedside table, which had a glass of water on it and it fell onto General Hux, spilling all over him.

Hux sat up immediately, Kylo yelling out, "WHY DO YOU HAVE GLASSES OF WATER EVERYWHERE!?"

Hux didn't reply, instead leaning to the side and vomiting everywhere, Kylo and Phasma both running back just in time not to be splattered by his puke. Hux fell back against his bed again, and both of them heard a loud snore from him.

"I'll contact a cleaning droid," Kylo said.

"Good plan," Phasma said, "I'll inform command that the mission may need to be delayed."

They both left to do just that.

* * *

Command had not been happy. The cleaning droid had been indifferent (then again that _was_ its job). Then Kylo and Phasma went to do some investigating, Phasma having overheard from some troopers about Hux going in to order some new shipments. Whatever he had done in his drunken state, it could not have been good. They looked through Hux's files, Kylo having obtained the password to his account.

"Here, look," Kylo pointed at a section on a list of recent orderings the First Order had made.

"A collection of tutus, a rancor, a gundark, and one million grains of rice?" Phasma read it out loud. "For fucks sake, you rubbed off on drunk him!"

"Yes, it's very awful," Kylo sounded happy.

"We need to cancel these orders," Phasma said.

"Force no!" Kylo told her, "I'll fix it up." He started typing something, explaining to her what he was doing, "I'll change the route of the transport ship. A location the Resistance is very familiar with. They'll have a lovely present."

"I can't believe I'm saying this to you, but that is a brilliant plan," Phasma imagined the Resistance opening the container with the rancor and everyone trying to run away as it grabbed them and ripped their heads off.

Kylo shrugged, "The least I can do."

"You know, I was going to ask if _you_ were drunk. You're being quite sensible," Phasma told him.

"I can be sensible sometimes," Kylo sounded offended, "Should probably get a medical droid to check Hux."

Phasma nodded in agreement, "I'll do that."

"Alright. I guess I should contact Snoke. I still need to tell him about the broken machine, and I can mention the cancelled mission," Kylo pushed his chair back, standing up.

"Sure you'll be okay?" Phasma asked him.

Kylo waved his hand, dismissive, "Snoke's awesome. He'll be chill about it."


	6. Phasma's Birthday

**Summary: Kylo has discovered his love for cleaning, and Hux tries to discover what he did when he was drunk. Also, it's Captain Phasma's birthday so she celebrates with a cupcake!**

Pushing a mountain of cleaning products along hadn't, at first, been Kylo's idea of fun. But swiping along the dirty corridors, watching the grim covered floor become shiny again was strangely soothing.

It started after cleaning Hux's room. All that rice everywhere, seeing the floor become clear of the white grain again. It amazed him. So after he had come back from a private mission with the other Knights, he had started to clean his own room. He felt superb. Then he cleaned out the other Knights rooms- some objected, others didn't care. Mind blowing. So finally he had gathered a bunch of cleaning products, going through the corridors, pushing it along, cleaning people's floors and tables. Force! Even the walls!

He rounded a corner and accidentally crashed the cart into someone who yelled out. Just Kylo's luck that it was General Hux.

"General, I'm so sorry!" Kylo said. He hadn't seen the General since the morning he came back drunk.

"Kylo?" Hux pulled himself off the floor by holding onto the cart, "What are you doing?"

"Thought I'd clean this place up a little more," He explained, hands on hips, he nodded, "It's going quite well."

Hux looked suspicious.

"I swear that's all I'm doing," Kylo said when Hux didn't speak.

"No, I uh, I believe you," Hux told him, "I just... cleaning? Really?"

"Yeah, ever since I cleaned your room."

"My room?"

"The rice incident. We had a great conversation, feelings were sort of said. You went out to drink, came back smashed-"

"Oh, that's why I had such a bad hangover," Hux said scratching his head, "you know, people always talk about the migraines and thirst, but nobody ever mentions the diarrhoea."

"Yeah! You came back and were talking about a picnic. Then you passed out and Phasma and I had to-,"

"Phasma was there!?" Hux sounded alarmed.

"Yeah," Kylo told him, "Anyway, we carried you to your bed. I accidentally knocked a glass of water on you, you woke up, puked everywhere! It was horrifying. I think I got scarred for life."

"Oh god, what else did I do?" Hux was now nervous.

"Funny you should ask that. Turns out you had ordered many tutus, a gundark, rancor and a lot of rice. Lots and lots of rice. I think you were trying to get onto my good side."

Hux was silent. Kylo wasn't sure what else to say, so he tapped the edge of the cleaning cart "I should probably continue cleaning."

"Yeah, you do that," Hux nodded, "Oh and Kylo, I heard the mission was cancelled?"

"Because you got drunk, General," Kylo told him. He felt a little bad for Hux, but also quite glad it wasn't, once again, his own fault for a cancelled mission. Nodding, Hux muttered something sounding like 'of course. Sorry' and walked off. Kylo drummed the edge of the cart, watching the General walk off.

Once Hux disappeared around a corner, Kylo turned, continuing to push the cart and making TIE Fighter sounds.

* * *

Hux needed to ask Phasma about what had happened. It's not that he didn't trust Kylo, the guy was just an idiot sometimes. Phasma will tell him every last itty bitty detail. The correct details too, nothing warped. So to her quarters he headed. But Hux walked in on Phasma at the weirdest moment. She was sitting crossed-legged on her bed, armour and everything on. She wore a party hat, a cupcake sitting in front of her with a lit candle.

"Haappyy Biirthdaay to mee," She finished singing, lifting up the cupcake, then tried blowing out the candle, forgetting entirely about her helmet. "Oh, oh force damn it!"

"Er, Captain?" Hux said. She hadn't noticed him there at all. Scaring her, Phasma jumped, landing on the floor, cupcake flying out of her hands. Candle still lit, it landed back on her bed, onto her sheets, going up in flames. Neither Hux nor Phasma reacted immediately, too shocked at how fast everything happened. Hux finally yelled out something entirely incoherent, he wasn't even sure what he said himself. Phasma screamed too, getting up from the floor. The two ran out of the room, yelling out for some help. Troopers came running. One sensible trooper calling for help on his comm. A swarm of troopers tried to put it out with other sheets they could find.

It was total chaos.

To make matters worse Kylo – of course it was Kylo – came running, swinging his lightsaber around, "I SENSE A DISTURBANCE IN THE FORCE!"

"KYLO NO!" Phasma yelled out. Too late. Limbs, heads and machines went flying as Kylo carelessly swung around the lightsaber. Hux and Phasma threw themselves to the floor when Kylo came over in their direction, Phasma stuck her foot out, Kylo tripping over it. He fell to the floor, skidding, dropping his lightsaber which thankfully switched off.

A group of troopers appeared with barrels of water to turn off the fire. They had to jump over some bodies, but they got to Phasma's room before absolutely _everything_ had gone up into flames.

"MY THINGS!" Phasma yelled, scrambling to her feet, running into her room. The fire quickly dying out.

Hux grabbed Kylo by the collar, "REN HOW MANY FUCKING SOLDIERS DID YOU JUST KILL!?"

Kylo whimpered.


	7. Contemplation

**Summary: Phasma, Kylo and Hux contemplate about the life of others. Surely they have it tough too?**

FADE IN:

1\. INT. PHASMA'S QUARTERS, FIRST ORDER STARFLEET OR POSSIBLY STARKILLER BASE. IT'S LEFT AMBIGUOUS ON PURPOSE I GUESS.

V/O  
We continue where we last saw our heroes...er, villains...

On the floor, CAPTAIN PHASMA is crying. Clutching her one good picture of her: surrounded by people she had just murdered, wearing her armour as she always does.

2\. INT. JUST OUTSIDE PHASMA'S QUARTERS, FIRST ORDER STARFLEET/STARKILLER BASE. WHATEVER.

GENERAL HUX is assessing the damage: dead troopers, severed limbs, arms, heads. KYLO REN is kneeling on the floor, lightsaber an arm's length away. He's the fucker responsible for the damage. As always. He had attempted to help, but Hux would imagine 'help' is used loosely.

GENERAL HUX (Sounding drained)  
I can't imagine anyone having a worse day.

KYLO REN (Quiet)  
Bounty Hunters...Pirates, maybe?

3\. EXT. ON A DISTANT PLANET.

Dark. A pirate running, looking hella badass. Flipping over crates, shooting guards right in the head, never a miss. Shit blows up behind them, never hit. They had what they came for.  
MAZ KANATA was having a great day.

4\. INT. JUST OUTSIDE CAPTAIN PHASMA'S QUARTERS AGAIN. DUH.

GENERAL HUX (Nodding)  
Perhaps, perhaps. It _is_ hard being a pirate. (Crosses arms)  
Then again, it's hard being a general with you around.

Phasma appears from her room, still sniffling, clutching the picture.

GENERAL HUX  
Makes you wonder too, does the Resistance have days like this?

Kylo and Phasma look away, contemplating. Or as much as they can look like they can contemplate wearing masks. Maybe they could put their hands on their chin like they're in deep thought or something.

5\. INT. RESISTANCE HEADQUARTERS.

V/O  
We continue where we last saw our heroes.

REY and FINN are kicking back, drinks in hand, laughing about some absurd story about a drunk rancor probably. POE DAMERON enters, helmet under arm, spring in step. All three wearing tutus.

Finn moves over to let Poe sit beside him.

FINN  
Mission go well then?

Poe picks up a drink, conveniently in front of him on a coffee table.

POE (laughs)  
You bet! You know, I completely fucked up this one thing entirely.  
But, luckily, fortune favours the best, and through the fuck up stopped the entire battle!

REY (Laughs)  
Like that time I saved the entire galaxy because I accidentally zapped one of the Captains of the First Order!

FINN  
Hey, don't forget, I was there too!

All three continue laughing, having the BEST time. Man, the First Order is so screwed lmao.

6\. INT. JUST OUTSIDE PHASMA'S QUARTERS, BLAH BLAH BLAH.

PHASMA  
Definitely, they have to.  
I mean, they have that rogue trooper to deal with, and that weird pilot.

KYLO (Nodding)  
Yeah, yeah definitely!  
(Beat) Troopers are always a handful.

PHASMA  
Excuse me?-

HUX (Ignoring Phasma)  
Well the best we can do right now is _clean_ this mess up, repair, get new troops.

PHASMA (Continuing)  
-What was that about Troopers being a handful?-

KYLO  
(Jumping up, also ignoring Phasma)  
I'll do it!

HUX  
(Stepping over a severed limb)  
Well you _did_ make this mess.

PHASMA  
(Throws picture between Hux and Kylo, hitting the wall opposite)  
-TROOPERS. DIFFICULT. WHAT THE HELL, REN?

HUX (Beat)  
Captain, Kylo's an idiot. He said the wrong thing, he'll clean your room for you.

Silence. Hux and Kylo waiting for Phasma to react.

PHASMA (Hesitant)  
Alright. Fine.

Hux sighs a relief, glad not to have an argument between the two develop. He's ready to leave the area, maybe go sunbathe, have a martini, but his comlink beeps. He answers.

Snoke appears in tiny hologram form.

HUX (Freaking out)  
Supreme Leader Snoke, sir!

SNOKE  
Yeah, Hugz, shut it. Look, I've gotta be there in a couple of hours.

HUX  
Sir?

SNOKE  
I dunno, something about having to actually 'See what all my employees are doing'.  
Which is stupid. Who came up with this rule? Don't I come up with the rules!?  
Anyway, Hunks, expect me at 1500.

HUX  
y-yes-ye-yessir!

SNOKE  
Great, tell Kylo he better be there too.  
(More to himself) I really like that guy.

Snoke cuts off the call. Hux is both pissed and terrified. Phasma and Kylo both look at the floor, neither wanting to be the first to say anything.

HUX  
(Straightening his clothes)  
I expect you both at the hanger before 1500 so we can greet our Supreme Leader.

Hux leaves, kicking a severed head real hard on the way. Head lands between two arms- GOAL! Not that anyone's celebrating or anything.

Kylo and Phasma finally look up, sighing with relief. Then-

PHASMA  
Really? We're difficult?

Kylo shrugs, sheepish.

TO BE CONTINUED...

CREDITS ROLL.


	8. Kylo's March

**Summary: Snoke makes his surprise visit to the First Order.**

The last thing anyone wanted around was Snoke, but suppose there wasn't much of a choice. If Snoke gonna be here, then Snoke gonna be here.

In the mean time, Kylo and Phasma had decided to work together to clean out her room, find anything else that may have survived the fire. Kylo had started humming 'we didn't start the fire', causing Phasma to throw a now unusable holobook at him.

"Ouch!" Kylo rubbed the back of his head, "What was that for?"

"Oh shut it, you've got a helmet on," Phasma said, going back to looking through her clothes pile. Why she even looked through her clothes baffled Kylo. All she ever wore was her armour. Unless, like him, she had extras of the same clothing kept somewhere. Just so you wouldn't be wearing exactly the same thing every day. Imagine how stinky you'd get.

"Okay, but like, it only covers most of my head at the back, not all of it," Kylo explained. Not that any of them would know since he had his hood up, "and not to mention, it's part of Vader's helmet. You know, Darth Vader? Lord Darth Vader? Jedi Hunter, The Emperor's Enforcer, Supreme Commander of the Imperial Fleet?"

"I know, Kylo," Phasma stopped him, "We _all_ know."

They continued cleaning on in silence, Kylo collecting rubble together.

"Snoke's going to be here soon," Phasma said, glancing at her chronowatch, "we should head to the hanger."

"You go, I'll meet you there," Kylo said, still gathering some rubble into a pile, "I'll find a bin for this."

"Alright," Phasma said, closing a drawer upon realizing none of the things in there had been ruined, "I'll see you there."  
When Phasma left, Kylo just stared at the pile of rubble. He picked up a piece of burnt...whatever it was, turning it in his hand, then throwing it back.

Looking towards the door, sure that Phasma wasn't coming back, he pulled a box out of his robes. It was small, no more than twenty centimeters. Made of greel wood, gone rough with age. He opened the box, and a small figure of a pink ballerina raised up. When it span, the _Imperial March_ started to play, cracked, tingy, mechanical. The inside was lined with rose-pink felt, and Kylo brushed his finger across it, before closing it. The room going silent when the March stopped playing.

He better get to the hanger before Snoke arrives.

Everyone was there to greet Snoke. Like, Kylo wasn't kidding. The line ups were huge, filling the entire hanger. Why didn't _he_ get a bunch of people lining up when he arrived?

But, of course, it was all formality. Snoke was their Supreme Leader yadda yadda.

And so the shuttle landed in the hanger, everyone standing at attention. Hux stood at the front. Right behind him were Kylo and the Knights. Captain Phasma off to the side with her troops. The shuttle opened, guards first coming out and walking to the side. Then Snoke walked down. No, actually, he didn't walk. He rolled. On his skateboard. A baseball cap facing backwards. Sunnies on his head. Hux was too stunned to say anything when Snoke rolled to a stop in front of him.

"Sup," Snoke said, laid back.

"Sir," Hux greeted, standing a little taller. From his expression Kylo could tell he was trying not to comment on Snoke's entrance or attire. Kylo was somewhat familiar with that expression.

Snoke finally looked to his left, in Kylo's direction, "Kylo!" he threw his arms in the air, walking off his skateboard. One of the guards stepped forward to pick it up before standing back in their place.

"Snoke, sir," Kylo said. Snoke hugged the dark side out of him. Almost.

"How have you been, my favourite knight?" Snoke asked. Kylo could sense tension and annoyance from the others. Ignore them. Ignore them. Ignore them.

"I've been well, sir," Kylo said. He really didn't want to get into a conversation about his troubles. Snoke kept an arm around Kylo as they started walking through the aisle of troopers.

"You sound a little down, Kylo," Snoke said brightly, "but not to worry, I know what'll cheer ya up real good! I've got a new pet bein' transferred here."

Hux was immediately at Snoke's side looking alarmed, "Sir, what pet exactly, sir?"

"Nothing that'll interest you, Humps," Snoke said, pushing Hux away a little.

"General _Hux_ asks a fair question," Kylo tried to sound light and bubbly in his tone, "I'm curious too."

Snoke rubbed his chin, "Yes, yes, I s'pose. Well, I'm havin' brought in a dark lizard."

Kylo noticed Hux visibly stumble. Snoke did not however, and continued to speak, "I acquired it just last week. She's lovely, you'll love her! Haven't thought of a name yet though."

"It is a fitting choice," Kylo mused, "Sith used to have dark lizards as pets on the planet Almas. Perhaps you should call her Rivana?"

Snoke laughed, loud, "Kylo! You impress me yet again! Rivana it is!"

"Sir, I'm not sure where we can keep a dark lizard," Hux said, sounding a little agitated as he came up beside Snoke again.

"Ah! I've got it handled Hunts," Snoke said, again pushing him away, "And I can't wait for ya to meet her Kylo, you'll get along swimmingly. Now, can I get somethin' to eat or do I have to murder someone first?"

An immediate reaction to his request.

"Perhaps Kylo can show you-," Hux started.

"I am so busy right now," Kylo interjected, "I have dead bodies to get rid of in the hallway, Phasma to help out. Perhaps one of the other Knights can take you to get some food, show you your quarters."

"Of course, of course!" Snoke finally took his arm away from around Kylo, looking behind him at the other Knights who had been following them, "better get me somethin' good, kiddos. Oh, and I want a meeting tomorrow, bright and early, 0600! Battle plans to organise."

"Battle plans, sir?" Hux asked, completely confused. Kylo didn't blame him, he was too. Snoke arriving unexpectedly must mean something major was up. But he didn't seem too interested in giving them information.

"Yeah, yeah for the battle," Snoke said, already walking away with the other Knights, "Force sake, Hulls, get with the program!"

Snoke was gone, both Kylo and Hux rooted in place, staring after Snoke and the group.

Hux finally sighed, resting his face in his hand, "How is this Order even organized?"

"I don't think it is," Kylo said, having an epiphany.

Phasma came up to them, armour shinier than usual. When did she even have time to clean it?

"What's the news?" Phasma asked.

"Meeting at 0600! We're going into a battle!" Kylo said, putting on a happy persona, though he did not feel that way.

"I like battles," Phasma said, "But I should go and finish cleaning my room. And for fucks sake," Phasma turned to face all the troops, who had started to dispel and leave the hanger, "SOMEBODY GET RID OF ALL THE FUCKING BODIES OUTSIDE MY QUARTERS!"

Kylo then turned around and yelled out, "NOBODY HANDLE IT, I'VE GOT IT COVERED!"

"I don't trust either of you anymore to get anything done," Hux said, "But if you don't mind I'm going to go to my room and worry about the future of this galaxy."

Kylo and Phasma watched Hux leave, Kylo contemplating ways he could make Hux feel better. Of course, the last time that happened it hadn't ended well. Maybe all he could do was go after him, confess his true feelings. Whatever those were.

"I feel bad," Phasma said, "all this shit he's got to deal with. Well, I've got shit to deal with too."

"Maybe we could try and get the dark lizard into a tutu," Kylo suggested.

Phasma gave him a playful punch in the shoulder, "Don't dream of it, Ren."


	9. Of the Blood of Almas

**Summary: Phasma makes sure everything is alright with Kylo & Hux. Meanwhile, Snoke has brought his new pet to base. **

Phasma found Kylo in the kitchen, pouring raisins onto steaks.

"What are you doing?" She asked, watching as he pulled another packet of raisins from the cupboard.

"I'm _raisin_ the _steaks_."

Phasma didn't ask, just shaking her head in disbelief. "Well, Snoke wants to see you. I think the dark lizard may have arrived."

Picking up the plate, Kylo offered Phasma the steaks covered in raisins, "raisin steaks?"

"Uh, no thanks," Phasma replied, not even wanting to imagine what that would taste like. The steak wasn't even cooked.

Kylo shrugged, putting the plate into the fridge. Then, not saying anything, walked past Phasma to leave the room.

"Hey, you okay," Phasma had to stop him. She had to check. Hux wasn't okay. Kylo wasn't okay. It must be Snoke's presence, but one could never assume.

Kylo just shrugged again, "I'm realizing my stupidity I guess."

"It's not stupid," Phasma said, putting her blaster (which she always carried around of course, don't you guys imagine her with it?) down onto the counter beside her.

"Really?" Kylo sounded surprised, "My antics don't bother you?"

"I tend to go along with them, remember?" Phasma wasn't quite sure what she was doing. It wasn't like she wanted to encourage him though, "Especially when I should really just shoot you to stop you."

"I'm carrying a lightsaber," Kylo patted the hilt hanging from his belt, "You wanna try?"

"Of course not," Phasma wasn't stupid, "Sure you're antics can be tiring and stuff. But sometimes it's fun, you know? Wearing tutus and things. Brings out the inner child. Brings the silly to such a serious, horrible, blood-filled, violent-ridden life."

Kylo was nodding, but then she heard a sigh from him and, "Well, the General doesn't like it much. Pretty sure he hates it. And me."

"You know, I don't think Hux hates you as much as you think," Phasma finally picked her blaster up again, "In fact, I think he might like you a little."

Kylo chuckled, and Phasma wasn't sure if it was forced or not. He shook his head, "Nah."

"Yah," Phasma countered, walking to the door, "He could've not worn that tutu. He let you wear that makeup during that meeting. Or locked you up for that rice incident. Or put you on trial for killing those soldiers."

"He still could," Kylo said.

"He won't," Phasma let those be her last words as she exited the kitchen. Now to find Hux.

* * *

Sleep was something Kylo wondered if he was going to get before the meeting tomorrow morning. He had cleaned up the bodies outside Phasma's quarters. Had then gone to make himself food, but was rudely interrupted because of Snoke's summons. Force, some food would be nice right now.

But Rivana.

Kylo thought of the name he christened the creature. He'd been thinking of Darth Rivan (not to be confused with Revan). Rivan had founded the Sith Fortress on Almas – the home world of dark lizards – during the Sith War. Dark lizards were pack hunters, which is what worried Kylo the most. Rivana had no pack, unless she adopted the Knights. Which is exactly what Snoke started saying when Kylo thought it. But he wasn't listening too much to the Supreme Leader, instead all attention on Rivana.

The dark side was strong in these creatures. Rivana was snarling at anyone who came close to the cage, so Kylo stayed crouched at a distance, but closer than most of the others. She was almost three meters long, black scales and eyes orange-red. Her teeth razor-sharp, maybe ten centimeters or so in length, also black. Her dark, spiked spines on her back forming into massive wings which she currently kept closed up.

The only thing white were the claws on her feet.

Kylo heard Snoke laugh, banging Rivana's bars, taking a step back when she tried to attack. Stretching her feet through the bars as far as she could, trying to rip Snoke's face off. Fear radiated from her.

"Ain't she feisty?" Snoke asked, still laughing, "The loveliest creature."

Kylo wondered what she would say if she could talk. Perhaps: _I am Rivana of the blood of Almas and I will rip your faces off. With the Force and claws I will rip it._

She seemed like she'd be a pleasant being. Snoke continued to tease her, making the creature more annoyed, anxious, frightened.

"She'll calm down," Snoke insisted. Kylo wasn't so sure.

* * *

Smoke. Heat. Death. At least in this armour. Phasma didn't even know there was a spa around here. And if she had, she'd have made use of it ages ago. But wearing armour whilst being around the steam of the sauna? Not much fun. At all. Seeing Hux in just a towel? Also not very fun...Kinda? Maybe? Debatable.

He sighed when he saw her, first words not even a greeting, "What did Kylo do this time?"

"Nothing."

"Was it Snoke?"

"Nothing's happened sir," Phasma assured him, "I just wish to talk."

Hux sighed, "Wait there, I'll be back." Hux disappeared for a few minutes. Phasma wondered if she should call him on the holocom or something. But he did return, wearing his uniform. He gestured her to follow him, and they exited the spa.

"So what is it Captain?"

"It's about Kylo sir"

"You said he didn't do anything!" Hux sounded pissed.

"He hasn't," Phasma said again, "Unless you think pouring raisins onto steaks is a crime."

"Steaks or stakes? No wait, don't tell me, I don't want to know," Hux stopped walking, so Phasma did too. And he put a hand to his temple, sighing "So what about Kylo do you want to talk about?"

"Perhaps you're being too harsh on him?" Phasma said, causing Hux to stare at her like she'd just announced she was getting married to Leia Organa.

"Must I make a list of all the stupid things he's done?" Hux asked, "In fact I've done one already it's quite extensive. I can recite it to you."

"But he's never failed a mission," Phasma insisted.

"Which is the only reason why he's still around," Hux sighed, becoming less livid as he said the next words, "also, I don't hate him. I did. Before. Especially during that tutu incident. But after what happened with the rice-" Hux sighed, "it's fine. In fact, I dislike Snoke more."

"Snoke can be difficult," Phasma agreed, "even worse when we can't say anything about it."

"Yes, he'd have us killed," Hux said most casually, like it was an everyday conversation. Well it _was_ , but that's beside the point.

"Well Kylo seems sure you hate him," Phasma said, "so sort it out... again."

Hux just nodded, then waved his hand dismissively, "I'll see you tomorrow morning Captain. I need rest for the disaster of what will be tomorrow."

Phasma gave a sharp nod, "Of course sir." And watched Hux walking away to his quarters. It was nice to know the two didn't hate each other at least. It had become obvious, but hearing it from their own mouths was comforting. After all, the First Order required that they all get along.


	10. Kylo Does It Again

**Summary: The Resistance, and now Snoke, believes the relationship between our First Order trio isn't quite what it seems.**

An emergency meeting had been called by Snoke between Hux, Phasma and Kylo. Why only them, they didn't know.

Hux and Phasma were both annoyed as they had been trying to sleep. Kylo had decided to stay up to read about dark lizards, also rather annoyed by Snoke's interruption.

They sat in a small, empty, conference room. Kylo drumming his fingers on the table, Phasma fiddling with her blaster, Hux biting his nails.

Snoke stood at the end, holding a datapad, sliding it across the table. Hux was the first one to grab it.

"I have uncovered some interesting news from the Resistance," Snoke said.

Hux was reading the datapad, developing the most disgusted and confused expression.

"It seems," Snoke continued, "that the Resistance believes the relationship between you three is..."

"Unprofessional," Hux offered. He slid the datapad away, back towards Snoke. Both Kylo and Phasma reached for it, but Snoke snatched it away.

"A fitting word," Snoke said, sitting down. He spoke quietly, "Now I don't know what's goin' on between you three-"

"Nothing is sir, or not what the Resistance believes," Hux said, eyes on the datapad like it had deeply offended him.

"Do you mind enlightening us?" Phasma asked, at least a little annoyed.

"Look, the thing is, I don't care how ya'll feel about each other," Snoke said, "My issue is to not let it slide into the professional setting. Now, I'm sure you're all friends at least-"

"I like to think so, sir," Kylo said brightly.

"-As I'm friends with Kylo too," Snoke continued, "but you don't see me inviting Kylo to informal get-togethers."

"You invited me to your beach-side retreat last week, sir," Kylo happily reminded the supreme leader.

Snoke continued like he hadn't heard, "So remember, do your jobs, and know who's in charge. This Order is about _order_!" Snoke slammed his fist onto the table, "so no arguing. And sort out your issues. Especially you, Hutchs, we need to have a chat about your drinking problem."

Hux started spluttering, "I don't have a drinking problem, sir."

Snoke held up the datapad, "Not according to this. You get drunk and suddenly the Resistance finds out your personal secrets?"

"To be fair, sir, a lot of it is _wrong_. They're making assumptions!" Hux argued.

"And what was this about postponing the mission because you were drunk?" Snoke asked, "Look Hulls, I'm gonna go easy on you since Kylo seems to like you-" The comment caused Hux to glance over at Kylo, Snoke continuing "-but you better get your act together or there's going to be spice mines to pay, understood?"

"Yessir," Hux nodded, becoming very interested in the table.

"Sir, in General Hux's defense," Phasma spoke up boldly, "he's the best General in this Order. Much like Kylo's our best Knight."

"I'm already givin' him a lot of leeway, Captain," Snoke said, "don't push it."

With that, Snoke stood up, leaving the conference room.

"We never got to see what the datapad said," Kylo said to Phasma, the Captain nodding with agreement, then turning to Hux, "what did it say?"

"The Resistance thinks we're in," Hux paused, closing his eyes as if the next words were an explosion, "some kind of relationship."

Phasma and Kylo shared a curious-behind-their-masks look.

"I wonder why they think that," Phasma said, "Did you speak with them that time you got drunk?"

Hux shrugged, "I dunno, maybe?"

"Maybe you complained about me a lot," Kylo joked, although all three of them knew that was probably the truth.

"You know, I'd be down for that," Phasma said.

Kylo nodding, concurring, "Certainly."

Hux wasn't listening. Thankfully.  
Remaining silent, they all departed into their own thoughts. Hux trying to remember who in the Resistance he had spoken to. Phasma wondering about Hux and Kylo's relationship. Kylo imagining a hamster on a wheel.

"We'll just ignore this entire thing," Hux finally spoke, "You know the Resistance is wrong, that's good. And we'll just... I won't go and get drunk. Kylo, don't any more troopers killed, Phasma don't set things on fire."

"Sounds good," Phasma said, Kylo murmuring in agreement.

"Right," Hux slammed his palms on the table, "break!" All three stood up simultaneously.

"See you guys tomorrow morning," Kylo said, running out of the room.

"Wonder what he's up to at this time of night," Phasma said, she and Hux leaving together.

"If he does something stupid Snoke can deal with him," Hux said, "but you know, I'd rather not know."

* * *

Having finished reading about how to calm down a dark lizard, Kylo went in search for some food of meaty deliciousness from the several kitchens. Not for himself, but for Rivana, to help her calm down.

Being the very early morning by the time Kylo had found a couple of giant animal legs (he wasn't sure what they were), there weren't many people around. Just troopers with night duty, and any Generals, Grands and the like who were working late into the night.

Kylo reached the room where Rivana was caged up. Nobody else around, luckily. Some troopers had been right outside the door to guard, but allowed Kylo in to feed her.

"Hey, girl," Kylo said, kneeling down close to her. Her eyes opened a little, and she became startled at the sight of him. Her spines went up, and she slowly got up on her legs, although still crouching low. She backed away, hissing at him.

"It's okay, I'm not here to hurt you," Kylo said, "Can you sense the Dark Side in me? I can sense it in you. We're on the same side."

When she continued to hiss, Kylo ripped off some of the meat from the leg, throwing it into the cage, "When have you been last fed?" Rivana had a bowl of water in the cage with her, but there was an obvious lack of food. Rivana swallowed the meat piece down whole. She shuffled a little closer.

Kylo started to throw her some more meat, throwing it closer and closer to himself, until she was an arm's length away. He didn't dare pet her yet though.

He got up, pressing the combination to the cage, bars sliding open. He presented the meat of what was left from the legs – which was still quite a lot – in front of her.

She ripped it to pieces first before eating it. Then was left gnawing at the bones. Kylo went up to her, and she didn't snap at him. So he put his hands on her head, stroking against her scales.

Success.

And Kylo would have put her back in the cage feeling good about himself, if not for the trooper who opened the door.

"Sir, Supreme Leader Snoke-," the trooper stopped talking when he noticed Rivana was out of her cage. She growled at him. The trooper put up his blaster.

"Wait, no!" Kylo yelled. Not really sure if it was the trooper or Rivana he had yelled to, but it was too late. The trooper tried to shoot at Rivana who avoided every shot, and jumped onto the trooper, biting off his head. Since the door was open, Rivana was now free in the corridors. The other trooper guarding the room tried to fire at her, but she quickly stabbed her claws right through his armour, and he too sunk to the floor.

"Oh dear," Kylo said, running out of the room, watching as Rivana went running along. "RIVANA!" The lizard didn't listen. Kylo used his coms to alert everyone of Rivana's escape.

Force fucking damn it.


	11. On the Loose

**Summary: Kylo has accidentally let loose a Dark Lizard into base**

"What did you do this time, Ren!?" Hux yelled into his communicator, royally pissed at the Knight for the billionth time. Alarms were blaring around corridors, troopers running around.

"It's not my fault, I swear," Kylo said. A short pause. "Okay it may have been."

"Explain yourself," Hux snarled.

"Snoke wasn't looking after her properly, I had to do something!"

"What? Who? Do what!?"

Captain Phasma came running up to Hux, speaking quickly, "Sir! The Dark Lizard's loose! It's already killed seven Troopers!"

"Yeah, that's what happened," Hux heard Kylo say.

Hux sighed. Hadn't he just asked Kylo not to go around and get troopers killed? And now this? Force it would've just been better to leave the lizard to die.

"Where's Snoke? Does Snoke know?" Hux asked.

"Snoke's gone sunbathing, sir," Phasma replied.

"Sunbathing!? _Where_ the force is he sunbathing!? Actually, no, I don't want to know."

"I can track Rivana down," Kylo said from the comm.

"Kylo where is the lizard?" Hux demanded, although both he and Phasma kept a close eye on the surrounding area. Rivana could come running around a corner any moment.

"I sense her heading to the control rooms." the reply a moment later.

"How is she getting to the control rooms!?" Hux wondered how smart this lizard was. Smart enough to use turbolifts? Impossible. But both he and Phasma started running.

"I might be able to get her back in the cage," Kylo was still talking, "she stopped trying to kill me."

"Oh- So she stopped trying to kill _you_ , so you felt it was your authority to let her out? You really thought she wouldn't try killing others?" Hux huffed.

"I wasn't expecting anyone else to walk into the room! The guards are supposed to stay outside!" was Kylo really defending himself? Actually sounding like a normal angry person? Hux was impressed.

"Will you two stop arguing?" Phasma yelled out, "you sound like an old married couple and there is a man-eating beast on the loose!"

Hux grumbled in reply, not wanting to admit she was right. Then saying into the comm, "We'll meet you in the control rooms, Ren."

"Will do General!" Kylo cut off the call. Kylo's never cut off the call before. Idiot.

* * *

Skidding to a stop, Hux and Phasma quickly scrambled behind a corner. Peeking out from behind, they watched the Dark Lizard eating the corpse of a trooper, trying to pull the body out of the armour. They were close to the control rooms- Rivana was right outside the door. From the red flashing light from the door panel, it seemed they had locked the door so no one could enter. Rivana looked up, in the direction of Hux and Phasma, growling.

"She knows we're here," Hux said.

"What should we do?" Phasma asked.

"Run?" Hux suggested, "Do we have anything to wrangle her with? Where's Kylo?"

"If she didn't try to kill Kylo, maybe she won't try to kill us," Phasma said, she put her blaster down, slowly walking out to reveal her entire self to the lizard.

"Captain!" Hux hissed.

"I can do this," Phasma insisted, taking a step closer to Rivana who looked ready to pounce, "Hey there, girl. We're both girls you know? We gotta stick together."

Rivana relaxed a little, although her scales still spiked up, she gave a small growl.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Phasma said. She took another couple of steps, but then sat down a few feet away from her. She'd let Rivana come to her.

Hux was looking from behind the corner, not believing what he was seeing, ready for the lizard to bite his best Captain's head off.

Phasma and Rivana stared at each other. Rivana low, taking one step. A pause. Another step. Pause. Another. Finally she was in front of Phasma and the Captain moved her hand slowly toward the lizard.

Rivana snapped, and Phasma drew her hand away fast. Waited a few moments. Again, she moved her hand, even slower now. Rivana let Phasma touch her. And Phasma stroked the creature, slow, steady, making sure not to make any sudden movements. Rivana took a few more steps closer, crawling into Phasma's lap, although she was quite large. Phasma tried to shuffle around, to get into a comfortable position, but the lizard managed to get comfortable before she could. Phasma put her arm around Rivana, looking up at Hux who had a perplexed expression on his face, his eyes wide.

"I think she likes me," Phasma whispered, still stroking her.

* * *

Kylo came to a halt in the corridor leading to the control rooms. Phasma was holding Rivana in her lap, humming a lullaby. Hux stood close by, leaning against the wall, yawning. Bodies of troopers scattered along the floor.

"Oh, there you are, Kylo," Hux stood up, "We managed to subdue the creature."

Kylo was silent, still staring at the scene, confused.

"She likes me," Phasma said, a hushed tone, "May I be her mother?"

"You would probably have to ask Snoke," Hux said, "do either of you have any idea how to get her back into her cage?"

When Kylo found his voice he said, "I could lift her. With the force, I mean." He looked at Phasma still singing the lullaby, Rivana's eyes drooping, "Phasma can probably keep her sleepy enough."

"Very well," Hux said, "Let's do this."

And they did. Kylo managing to levitate Rivana into the air, Phasma continued to pet, sing and hum as they went back down to put her in the cage. The General following very many steps behind, contacting people on his comm to clean up the bodies.

* * *

Rivana was back in the cage without a hitch. The three standing around, watching as Rivana went into the corner and fell asleep.

"Well, I felt that could have gone worse," Hux said, "so I suppose it's all right. Time to go back to sleep... _again_."

Kylo gave a sheepish shrug in reply.

The door hissed open and they all turned as Snoke entered the room, wearing nothing but a towel.

"There's my lil girl!" Snoke said, walking over to Rivana, throwing a small dead creature into the cage. Rivana lifted her head, stared at the animal, before going back to sleep. "Funny, she doesn't eat much."

"Oh I fed her just before," Kylo said to Snoke

"Well, ya could've told me before I went to fetch her something," Snoke told him, but seemed to let it slide as he said, "You three been playin' with her? She seems beat."

"Things got rather intense, sir," Phasma said, "but she's adorable, may I add."

"Adorable!?" Snoke sounded horrified, "She's the most ruthless creature in the galaxy! Don't insult her!"

"Sorry sir," Phasma said quickly, taking a step away from the Supreme Leader.

"Sir," Hux spoke up, "is it wise to keep her in this small cage? We should move her somewhere where she'd be more comfortable. Have easier access to food."

"We should have her attack the Resistance," Kylo suggested.

"Kylo! You've dun it again!" Snoke slapped the Knight on the back, "We'll use her on our assault against the Resistance!"

"What assault, sir?" Hux asked quickly, he hadn't been informed of any assault.

"The one we're going to talk about in the morning," Snoke explained, "if you don't mind, I need some sleep." Snoke turned and walked out, leaving Hux rooted on the spot, fuming and worried.

"We're not prepared for an assault," Hux said, "I mean, looking at the numbers-," he was stopped when Kylo put a hand on his shoulder.

"You'll do great, General," Kylo said, then hesitant and quick, touched the general's cheek, "I'll see you both at the meeting tomorrow," Kylo added before he left.

Phasma gave a nod, "He's right, sir. It'll be fine. The Resistance _will_ be crushed."

"I hope you're right Captain," Hux said.

"Besides, we should worry about this when the meeting starts. There's still a couple of hours available for shut eye." And Phasma left too. Hux was doubtful he'd get any more sleep, and wondered whether he should bother going to his room. When he heard Rivana let out a growl, he quickly left, deciding perhaps Phasma – and Kylo – were right.


	12. Snoke's Meeting

**Summary: The time for Snoke's meeting has come. It doesn't go well.**

It had been a busy night, but the time for Snoke's meeting had come. Phasma was the first in the room, other than Snoke himself. She may have been a few minutes early, but she hated to be late.

In the middle of the room the strategy table was already projecting the planetary system.

"Morning sir," Phasma said, glad to find Snoke was fully dressed now and hadn't come in wearing the towel.

Snoke muttered something which sounded like 'morning Captain', not looking away from numbers scrolling across a monitor.

"A lovely morning, isn't it?" Phasma said, "Machines whirring softly, lights shining brightly."

"Yes, yes," Snoke said. He looked away from the monitor and over to Phasma, walking around the table, "How are things with Kylo and the General, Captain?"

"Kylo Ren and General Hux, sir?" Phasma asked, "Good, I suppose." She would have asked 'why', but everyone knew not to question the Supreme Leader.

Snoke walked so that he was now in front of her, putting a hand on her shoulder, "Just know, Captain, if there are ever any issues, you can always come to me."

"Thank you sir," Phasma said, still very, _very_ confused. Perhaps it had to do with the Resistance thinking the three of them were in a relationship.

Odd indeed.

If she were being honest, she'd rather be in a relationship with somebody fictional. Like Brienne of Tarth. Yes, there was one person she could be in a relationship with. Or, if she had to choose a real person, perhaps that Jamie guy she met on Taris. Yes, he had been quite good with a vibroblade. Pity she had to kill him.

That being said, she did know Hux and Kylo quite well, and wouldn't necessarily say _no_.

"Who do you think is better?" Snoke suddenly asked, as he continued circling the projection of the galaxy.

"Sir?" Phasma was yanked out of her thoughts.

"Between Kylo and Hux, who's better?"

"Well they're both exceptionally valuable to this Order, sir," Phasma answered, not noticing the Supreme Leader correctly saying Hux's name.

"You misunderstand me, Captain. I mean in general. Who's the better man? Who do you get along with better? Who would you rather spend time with?"

Phasma stayed silent, going through the questions to herself slowly, thinking of answers. The better man?

Well the Jedi would argue there were no good men in the First Order because they were tyrannical or something ridiculous like that. Hux could be pretty ruthless, and Kylo used the _Dark_ Side of the force if that was anything to go by.

She got along quite well with both, she liked to believe. Sure Kylo could do stupid things, but sometimes it was stressing to be around the General. It's like his own stress and frustration radiated through a room. Or maybe Phasma was force sensitive without realizing it.

"They both have their pros and cons, sir," Phasma finally answered. She never thought to compare the two before, they were very different people.

Snoke nodded, "But you couldn't say there's one you'd rather hang out with?"

Phasma shrugged, "depends on the day I guess, sir."

Snoke stopped walking, putting his hands behind his back, eyes unfocused, "Kylo's always been my favourite. Although I never really 'hung out' with the General to know much. He's a workaholic. It's sad to see. You know he tried to report Kylo to me because he had tried to put a gundark in a tutu, and interrupted my own science experiment!"

"The drunk rancor?" Phasma asked, a second too late realizing maybe she wasn't supposed to know about it.

Snoke looked at her, raised eyebrow (or an equivalent thereof), then looking away, "Yes the drunk rancor. Perhaps we should try putting a tutu on a rancor."

"Perhaps unwise, sir," Phasma said, quickly adding, "But out of curiosity, how did the experiment go?"

"You know I forgot to write it down," Snoke scratched his chin.

"You realize it's not science until you write it down, don't you sir?"

Snoke stared at Phasma and said, "We must try this experiment again."

"Very well, sir," Phasma knew it would be irresponsible to voice otherwise.

"And we'll put a tutu on it!"

Phasma stayed silent, wondering if it would be worth the punishment to argue with him.

* * *

"We are not putting a tutu on a rancor!" It seemed Hux thought it worth the punishment. The meeting had started, and Snoke explained the attack on the Resistance. Then he had moved onto other matters i.e. Rancor. Drunk. In tutu.

"Huds, I couldn't really give a damn what you have to say 'bout this matter," Snoke said, "It's clear you don't understand the finer points of experimentation."

Or perhaps not worth the punishment. Hux kept his mouth shut.

"I have tutus, sir," Kylo said.

"I know you do, my friend," Snoke gave Kylo a smack on the back, "it's why I decided on it, not to mention Captain Phasma's wonderful suggestion of doing the experiment again, writing down the results."

Hux shot her a look of utter shock and betrayal. Phasma gave a quick shake of her head.

Snoke didn't notice her disagreement with him and continued, "So, are we all clear on our duties?"

A chorus of "Yes sir!"

"Sir, what about the...er...rancor thing?" Hux asked, "How are you going to do that?"

"Leave all the details to me, General, it's most likely you may not need to get involved at all seeing your disapproval," Snoke said the last part in a nasty tone, shift in atmosphere immediate. Uncomfortable shuffling of feet, some people looking down at their shoes, becoming interested in other things.

"Apologies Your Greatness I didn't realise the importance of this task," Hux said bravely.

"Are you _mocking_ _me_ , General?" The whole room seemed to rumble from Snoke's anger. Everyone stayed very silent, including Hux.

"Kylo, kill him," Snoke said.

"What?" Kylo asked, as others put up their blasters, ready to take a shot at Hux if they could. Hux seemed rooted on the spot. Phasma figured he was terrified, she certainly was and she wasn't the one Snoke had ordered to be kill.

"Nobody else do nothing. I want Kylo to kill the General," Snoke ordered.

Kylo didn't move. Looking at Hux, then slowly back to Snoke and said, "We need him."

"Somebody else can do his job," Snoke rolled his eyes, "Just take him out. Use your lightsaber, force choke him!" He even did a force choke motion, but didn't actually force choke Hux himself.

"Sir nobody can do his job better than he can," Kylo argued, "Killing him would be rash. His death pointless."

Why was Snoke even making Kylo kill Hux anyway? Phasma wondered if it had anything to do with earlier conversations, and the Resistance information on them. Can't Snoke just let it slide?

"Dispose of him!" Snoke didn't sound like he'd say it again.

"I'm sorry, _Your Greatness_ , but General Hux will be leading the procedure of this attack. So no, he will not be killed," Kylo looked straight into Snoke's eyes as he spoke, then once he was done, turned and left the room.

Everyone was silent, nobody daring to speak. Snoke was too taken aback to continue the discussion. When Hux realized he wasn't about to get killed, he too stormed out of the room, and Phasma heard his running footsteps as he chased after Kylo. Phasma's mind was whirring, wondering how she could get the two idiots out of this particular predicament.

Why did she even bother?

* * *

"Kylo!" Hux called out, running after the Knight. Thankfully Kylo stopped, turning to face him, Hux slowed to a stop. "Thank you," was all Hux managed.

"He hates me now," Kylo said, "Doubtless I'll be killed for disobedience."

"You wouldn't be in this situation if _I_ hadn't been disobedient," Hux said, "this time the problem is on me, not you."

"You're not generally one to admit that," Kylo said with amusement.

Hux couldn't exactly tell what Kylo was thinking though, the damned mask hiding everything. Why did he insist wearing it all the time?

"Yeah well I don't. So feel special or whatever," Hux said, and could almost feel physical pain admitting the next thing, "but, look, don't expect Snoke's going to kill you. You're too important to him, this entire Order. Not many people can use the Force, but anyone can be a General."

"Not just anyone can be a general, General," Kylo said. He then reached into his clothes, pulling out a small wooden box. He handed it to Hux.

Hux stared at it, then turned it in his hands, "What is this?"

"It's a box," Kylo replied simply, "I got it from someone."

"Who?" Hux asked, looking back up at Kylo, again being met by the black mask.

"Ask me again sometime." Kylo didn't say anything else.

Wanting to drill him for more questions, Hux opened his mouth, but Kylo turned to run off, leaving him hanging.

From behind, Hux heard the yelling of Phasma, "General!" she caught up to him, asking, "Where's Kylo going? What's that?" She pointed to the box.

"I have no idea," Hux said, answering to both questions.

Taking the box from him, Phasma slowly opened it. The two watched a ballerina dance to a music-box version of the old empire's March. Phasma quickly closed it.

Silence.

"I guess that explains the tutus," Hux said, taking the box from Phasma.

"But it doesn't explain the gundark," Phasma said, before remembering that had been her fault.


	13. Resistance 101

**Summary: Having seen the shenanigans the First Order has been up to, let's take a look at the mundane events of the Resistance.**

A classroom of young, rowdy children. Children of Resistance members, ready to learn the true history of the Republic and the Jedi, The Rebellion and the Empire. And Finn was honoured to be taking the class.

"Resistance one-oh-one," He said, writing the class name on the board. "So, how should we start?" he turned to gaze upon the young faces.

One of the children, smack bam in the middle of the classroom, put up their hand.

"Yes!" Finn said, immensely glad somebody already had a question.

"Why is there a TIE fighter?" the child asked.

Finn was confused by the question, and why they were pointing the board. He turned. Finding nothing unusual by his written _RESISTANCE 101_ onthe board. Finn turned back to the child and said, "I'm afraid I don't understand what you mean."

"It says Resistance, then there's a TIE fighter," the child said to him.

"Oh, that's not a TIE fighter!" Finn said with a laugh, kids were so slow! "It says one-zero-one."

"Why's it say that?" another child asked.

Finn frowned, most definitely a good question even he didn't know the answer to.

"It's definitely a TIE fighter though," the first child said again.

"It's not a TIE fighter," Finn told him, perhaps a little too harsh.

"Is too!" the child said, defiant.

* * *

Artoo rolled past the classroom, chuckling to himself as he noticed an argument occurring. He continued down the corridor, turning a corner,almost screeching when he crashed into the legs of Leia Organa.

"Artoo! I've been hoping to find you. Han needs some help with the Falcon."

Artoo whistled in reply, knowing Leia wasn't going to understand him anyway. He headed to the hanger, spotting the Falcon on the far end.

Rolling over, he noticed right outside Han and Rey were arguing about something-a-rather. He ignored them, continuing up the Falcon to signal Chewbacca he had arrived to help.

The Wookie growled, but Artoo understood, going over to the socket and plugging himself in. Finding out what was wrong, he beeped, and it translated onto a screen, a list of things that needed to be fixed. Chewbacca roared with complaint, for there was too much to do.

Artoo unattached himself from the ship, raspberried Chewbacca, and rolled down the ramp out of the Falcon. Spotting BB-8, Artoo chased them around, trying to electrocute the other droid with his electric pike.

"Hey hey hey, stop that!" Poe yelled out when he spotted Artoo chasing BB-8. What a rude old astromech. Artoo whistled some obscenities as he continued chasing the other droid.

"That little shit," Poe said, putting down his hydrospanner. He had been trying to work on his ship, but somebody was always getting in the continuously asking him to do things, things that weren't even his specialty. They were all a bunch of assholes, truly. Great, loving assholes.

"Dameron!" He heard. Poe nearly broke the hydrospanner in two, ready to fight who had ever dared call his name.

It was General Leia Organa.

"General!" Poe said with surprise, anger dissipating.

"Where's Finn?" she asked, scanning the hanger.

"Teaching the kids," Poe told her, "Didn't he tell you?"

Leia looked surprised, "What's he teaching them?"

Poe shrugged, "How the Resistance is better than the First Order probably."

"All right. Well, I'll see you later."

"That's it?" Poe asked, confused, "No mission? No cleaning duties? No Skywalker baby-sitting?"

Leia smiled, "No, not this time. Enjoy this break."

She walked away, and Poe grinned. Score one for Dameron. He went back to fixing up his ship.

"OI DAMERON WE NEED YOU OVER HERE!"

Poe threw his arms in the air, his hydrospanner flying out of his hands, hitting Artoo, sending the Astromech into the wall. Poe didn't notice,instead yelling, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?" to the person who called for his help.

* * *

Leia found the classroom, not having to look into each one individually, as she sensed Finn. Unfortunately, she found him not at the worst time. She found Finn had the audacity to actually be arguing with one of the children, yelling something about TIE fighters. Both he and the child stopped arguing when they noticed Leia's arrival.

They pointed at each other. "He started it!"


	14. Rubbish, Rey!

**Summary: Don't litter kids, or force forbid a Wookiee sees you doing it.**

Why did the Falcon always need fixing? Constant repairs, constant upgrades that went wrong... then needing _more_ repairs.

Chewie had also been frustrated with Artoo's lack of help. All he gave was a list of things that needed to be fixed or upgraded and it was too much for Chewie to handle.

Where was Han anyway? And as Chewie wondered that, prepared to com his friend when Han came up the Falcon ramp.

"Chewie!" He called, "How are the repairs going?"

Chewie growled out a reply.

"All right, I'll go check the Hyperdrive," Han said, then had a look at the panels on the walls Chewie had open, fixing the wiring inside,"And _that_ goes _there_ , Chewie!"

Chewie let out a growl of annoyance.

"Well if it's fixed wrong it's not going to work, is it?" Han said, disappearing into the back.

Chewie turned back to work on the Falcon. It was peaceful for a time until Rey came into the Falcon.

"Hey Chewie," She said, unwrapping a candy, "repairs going alright?"

Chewie nodded, roaring a small yes. Rey wouldn't understand, but she understood his nodding.

"Alright, cool," She popped the candy into her mouth. Then did the worst thing which nearly gave Chewie a heart attack. One of the rudest, worstthings anyone could ever do.

The worst.

Rey threw the candy wrapper to the ground.

Chewie growled out an exclamation but she didn't understand of course, instead heading to the back of the Falcon to find Han and saying, "Sure, Chewie."

Chewie stared at the wrapper.

* * *

It happened quite often, Chewie noticed. Rey would eat a bar, ration, candy, anything wrapped, and then throw the rubbish onto the floor.

Chewie confronted Han about it, who said "All right I'll talk to her." But she didn't listen it seemed, as she continued to do it.

Once when she threw a wrapper onto the ground, Chewie grabbed it. He then went over to Rey to give it back to her.

"This is rubbish?" she said, with a genuine confused expression.

Chewie jabbed his finger at the wrapper, then pointed over to a rubbish bin.

Rey just shook her head, "That's too far away, besides I'm headed this way. You do it." She stuck the wrapper back into Chewie's hand, then walked off.

Chewie walked about five steps to the bin. This called for extreme action.

* * *

Every time Rey left litter on the ground, Chewie picked it up. Now collecting it all up. Then putting piles of it in her room. It left her fuming, and multiple times she'd shout "DAD!" and go and complain to her father. It left Chewie amused, until _he_ got into trouble.

Han came to find him. "Look, you gotta stop putting the rubbish into Rey's room all right?"

Chewie yapped out a sentence.

"She'll learn, all right? Besides it's not that big of a deal."

NOT. THAT. BIG. OF A DEAL? Chewie was horrified. NEVER in his whole life could he imagine Han saying such a thing. How could be? Chewie felt betrayed, and ignored Han for the rest of the day.

Han finally confronted Chewie about what his problem with littering was. Chewie gladly explained. _What if something died because of the litter_?And then recounted some horrifying tragedies.

"All right, All right!" Han said, "But what do you want to do about it?"

That's when Chewie had a plan. She had to be punished.

Leading Han to the smuggling compartments, Chewie opened them up to reveal the tutus taken from the Imperial shipments.

"What the hell are these doing in here?" Han asked horrified, "Chewie, it's just a waste of space!"

Well sure they were a waste of space before, but now they could be used.

"Why am I getting a bad feeling from this?" Han said to himself, listening to Chewie's plan.

* * *

Han found Rey with Finn and Poe, asking to speak to her privately.

"You know the performance evenings we sometimes have? To keep the mood light here?" Han asked, nervous.

Rey gave him a curious expression that same one Luke and Leia shared when they were trying to figure out what someone was up to, "Yeah?"

"Well Chewie wants to do a performance for the next one, and asked if you wanted to help."

Rey shrugged, "No thanks."

Han grabbed her shoulder to stop her from walking off, "Okay, let me re-phrase. You have to help Chewie as punishment for littering."

"WHAT!?"

A white generic tutu was preferable over the other colours Chewie had offered. He first wanted her to wear a blue one, but she declined. Then an orange, like his. Again, she declined. A red or black then, but did she want to be reminded of Sith Lords? Hell nah. So he finally let her pick one from the pile and went with white.

"I can't even dance," she had warned him.

Chewie didn't care.

* * *

Rey hadn't even known Chewie could dance ballet, let alone be able to choreograph a small dance. Unfortunately Poe and Finn had found out about Poe had come to watch them practice he was in fits of hysterical laughter, falling to the floor, unable to get up. So Rey continuously hit him with the spare tutus until he left.

Finn, on the other hand, had been a blessing. It turned out he actually knew how to dance ballet and helped her and Chewie out.

"Where did you learn to dance Ballet?" she asked.

"It was a compulsory course to be able to serve for Kylo Ren," Finn explained, a little sheepish. Rey stared, mouth open.

Finn shrugged in reply, "And don't ask me why, I've got no idea."

So she didn't ask, but still, it made her wonder.

* * *

The night came about two days later. Rey snapped at anyone who tried to talk to her, and was prepared to fight anyone who dared, but they were probably too scared of her at that point. She wasn't in the best of moods. Sulking and brooding.

She stood backstage (being some sheets strung up, as it was only a random room chosen to have the performance) with Chewie, arms folded, fuming. If it were a cartoon one could perhaps imagine smoke coming out of her ears, her face entirely red.

Chewie was saying something to her, not that she understood. His growls and barking just that to her.

When they went onto the stage, or just the performance spot, as there wasn't really a stage. And not many people were really there, most busy withResistance duties. But at the front seats were Han, Poe and Finn. Finn with the most encouraging smile, making her heart warm and instantly feelingbetter.

The music started, her and Chewie going through the steps. Rey felt stupid and insecure, probably doing every step badly. But it was over and donequickly. People applauded, Chewie and Rey bowed, then got off stage.

Afterwards, Finn and Han came to see her.

"You did great!" Finn said, pulling her into a hug.

Chewie said something, Han translating, "So you going to keep littering now?"

"Not on my life," She said, letting go of Finn to look at Chewie, "I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

Chewie would only believe it when he saw it.

But after that night, Chewie never saw Rey throw any litter onto the ground again.


	15. Wed, Bed, Behead

**Summary:** **Finn,** **Rey** **and** **Poe** **discuss** **which** **of** **our** **First** **Order** **Trio** **(Kylo,** **Hux,** **Phasma)** **they** **would** **rather** **wed,** **bed** **or** **behead.**

"Okay, so I want to ask the both of you."

"Alright, but if you want us both to answer, you have to as well."

"I know, but when I tell you which three, it's going to be weird for me to answer."

"How is it going to be weird, Finn?"

"Okay, I'll tell you the three then. Wed, bed or behead: Our polyamorous First Order trio."

Poe and Rey stared at him.

Poe was the first to speak up, "How is that weird for you to answer?"

"They used to be my superiors," Finn said like it was the most obvious thing.

"That's why you'd be the best person to answer it," Rey insisted, "You know what they're like when they're not trying to kill you. Because honestlyI'd kill all three of them."

"Who wouldn't kill all three?" Poe agreed.

They both looked at Finn expectantly.

Finn sighed, "Fine, okay. I would wed Captain Phasma."

"Really? I'd probably bed her," Poe said.

"Actually I'd wed her too, because I'd rather behead Kylo," Rey said, in deep thought.

Poe scoffed, "That'd mean you'd have to bed Hux."

"Well it's not like I'd want to," Rey said, "besides you just said you want to bed Phasma how is that any better?"

"Hang on a moment," Poe looked at Finn, "Why would you wed Phasma and not bed her? Who would you bed?"

Finn rolled his eyes, "You're joking right? She honours loyalty! She'd be best choice out of the three as a significant partner. I'd behead Hux, he's apiece of shit to know. Always angry." _Even when he's drunk_ Finn added to himself. Memories of that night surfacing, but only momentarily, gettingback to the game at hand.

"You'd bed Kylo?" Rey asked in disgust.

"You just said you'd bed Hux," Finn countered, "and didn't you both say I'd be the best to answer this question?"

"Fine, whatever," Rey said defeated, "So you would wed Phasma, bed Kylo and behead Hux. And I'd wed Phasma, bed Hux and behead Kylo."

Rey and Finn both turned to Poe.

"Okay so I already said I'd bed Phasma," Poe said, putting up a finger to count off. He was in thought for a moment and then said, "I'd wed Kylo andbehead Hux." Another two fingers going up.

"Seriously!?" Rey asked in disbelief, "Are neither of you going to behead Kylo?"

"I'm just going by what Finn's saying," Poe argued, "He said Hux was a piece of shit even to people he wasn't trying to kill. May as well take him outfirst!"

"I mean I suppose you could wed Hux though," Finn said, "He _is_ the most competent."

"So you'd wed Hux, bed Phasma and behead Kylo?" Rey asked sounding hopeful.

Finn leaned back on his chair, "Hell nah I'm keeping what I said before."

"But there's so much more to all this," Poe shuffled forward on his chair, "for all we know Kylo could be a masterchef or loves to clean!"

Both Rey and Finn started laughing.

"You know what we should do," Finn said, "have a cooking contest between the three of them!"

Now all three were laughing, the absurdity!

But then another voice spoke, not belonging to any of them, "So have you all decided what you're going to do to each of them?"

They all jumped in surprise, Poe falling off his seat.

Leia stood at the doorway, arms crossed, questioning look.

"How long have you been standing there?" Rey asked, trying to appear innocent.

"Too long, unfortunately," Leia said with a sigh, "but come on, we've got a problem."

The three shared a look, now becoming serious.

* * *

The First Order had been readying to attack the Resistance, according to their spies. So they were preparing to attack them first.

Good thing about their spies, this made them one step ahead of their enemy.

"Supreme Leader Snoke is going to be in this field close by, but just out of our view," Leia said, "Now we've been told he hasn't planned to attack yet, just preparing the attack here. So we'll attack them first before they have the chance."

"Will it just be Snoke there? Who are the others leading the attack?" Rey asked.

"I'm getting to that," Leia said, looking both annoyed and amused by Rey's impatience. "General Hux will be there, along with Captain Phasma and the Knights of Ren."

"They must be planning some serious assault," Poe voiced.

Leia nodded in agreement, "That's exactly what they're doing, and I'm sure. But I want to send in some spies first, we need to see if we can figure out their battle tactics. What equipment they have there. How many legions of troopers they have."

Finn stood up almost immediately, standing as though dramatic Star Wars music played as he did, "I'll go." His head held high, hands going to hips, a power pose.

Rey stood up then too, "I'll go with you."

A record cutting off the music, perhaps. All eyes on Poe, who was digging at his nails.

"Huh?" Poe looked up, "Well why go when I won't be piloting?"

Rey pulled him up by the collar.

"All right I'll go," Poe said then grumbled, "I can never catch a break."

"Very well," Leia said, looking at three proudly, "Report back once you've discovered as much as you can." And although she spoke to all three, her eyes fell on Rey, "And be careful."

* * *

They had to dress for light snow as they headed out. Trees were starting to lack leaves and the sky was more of a dull grey than a blue. Rey watched a squirrel scuttle along.

"Which way do we go?" Rey asked, Poe was the one with the navigation datapad.

Poe studied it for a moment, turning as he did. He looked towards the trees, then in the direction of a valley. Back at the datapad.

"Come on man, where are we going?" Finn asked this time. Both Rey and Finn impatient to start moving. Rey started bouncing up and down a little for more warmth. She wasn't used to this type of cold, but it's what you get for living on a desert planet like Jakku the majority of your life.

Finally Poe spoke, "We have to go..." he pointed towards the trees, "Into the Woods."


	16. Into the Woods

**Summary: Our Resistance Trio head out into the woods**

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away. The Resistance base lay at the edge of the woods. And from this base, a young maiden, a carefree younglad and a childless pilot with no wife headed into the woods. But those details are hardly important. Rey, Finn and Poe had set off as they had to goand find the First Order, and spy on what they were up to, it had just involved going into the woods. Their way was clear, the light was good, theyhad no fear, no one should.

"The woods are just trees," Finn said, noticing Rey's worries.

"The trees are just wood," Rey repeated. But living on a desert planet, well, she wasn't quite used to it. "No need to be afraid here."

"We're heading to a glade here," Poe showed them the map. Then he checked the time, "We can't have a delay."

"We'll be careful not to lose the way," Finn asserted.

"Who knows what may be lurking in here," Rey jumped at the sound of a creature howling in the distance.

"We'll find the order and it'll make it worth the horror," Finn grabbed her arm in comfort, he was there. It would be fine.

"To find Snoke," Poe said, "and Hux and Phasma and Kylo."

"To see what they're doing," Finn continued, "to get the Intel, bring it home, make use of it, defeat the Order."

Rey nodded, "So just, into the woods, then out of the woods and home before its dark?"

Finn and Poe shared a look, "Maybe before it gets dark. No promises though."

"Urgh, fine," Rey replied, watching another squirrel run past. Why so many squirrels.

* * *

Finn was making large arm motions, retelling the story of his squad in the First Order coming across some sort of giant bear.

"So it roared at us, and I was like _I told you guys_!" Finn laughing as he finished. Rey and Poe were also laughing at his story.

"It reminds me of this one time," Poe said, "When I crashed onto Yavin IV."

"You crashed onto Yavin IV?" Finn asked incredulously, "Greatest pilot in the galaxy?"

"This was when I was younger okay!"

"How much younger?" Rey asked.

"Like last year," Poe said with a snort.

They all started laughing again, unaware of the red eyes following them from behind bushes. Low in the branches, appearing ready to pounce. Yet, it kept its distance, jumping from large bush to large bush. Its eyes catching sight of the lightsaber swinging on Finn's belt.

"...and it was like this giant lizard thing," Poe was saying, "I have no idea, but then it chased me for like an hour!"

They all laughed, Finn and Rey teasing Poe for his carelessness, _and_ for crashing. Greatest pilot in the galaxy! Honestly.

"So where are we?" Rey asked a moment later, and Poe pulled out the map in response.

"Hmm," he said, turning it, and then turning in different directions.

"If you've gotten us lost," Finn started, but didn't finish the sentence since he didn't know what threat he could make.

"No, no we're fine," Poe insisted, "we just have to...um."

"Um what?" Rey asked, hands on hips.

Poe appeared uncomfortable, "We might be a little lost."

Finn took the datapad from his hand, "That might be because you've got the wrong map! How did you get a map of forests in Alderaan? That's been destroyed for years!"

"What? No it's not!" Poe insisted, "Look right there, does that say Alderaan to you? No it doesn't."

"You're an idiot, it says Alderaan right there!"

"Both of you shut up," Rey said, snatching the map from the two of them. Sure enough, she couldn't understand much of it. She threw it away, and started heading into a random direction.

"Where are you going?" Poe asked.

"We don't need a map," Rey insisted.

"She's right," Finn said, looking giddy, "all we need is the Force!"

* * *

Sure enough Rey was able to lead them to the Order. They hid at the edge of the forest, peeking out from behind trees. There was a large clearing, in the distance a small hill where it seemed the First Order was gathering on to. They spotted Snoke quite clearly, being as large as he was. The Knights standing close by, and Captain Phasma with some Troopers.

"Wonder where our drunken General is," Poe said, scratching his chin.

They retreated back into the forest so they could talk more about what they had seen, forming a plan on what to do next.

"We should contact the General," Finn said, "Actually I'll do it now." He went to go and make the call.

"You know it didn't look like an army," Rey said, puzzled, "What did you think they were doing?"

"Kinda looked like they were ready to move something," Poe replied.

"A new super weapon?" Rey suggested, "But, like, small scaled."

Finn appeared just then, putting away his comlink, "She said we should stay put, do some more scouting, and then get back."

And suddenly, both Finn and Rey could sense danger, Finn turning the lightsaber on, blocking a blaster bolt.

"Well, well, well," A Hux appeared from behind the trees, "Kylo, take a look at what we've got here."

"Well done Rivana," the three turned to see Kylo appearing from behind the trees, lightsaber at the ready, being followed by some big-ass lizard. All black and no beauty. The lizard snarled at them, showing off its gigantic, pointy teeth.

Finn faced Kylo, holding the ligthsaber, Poe towards Hux holding a blaster. Rey, staff at the ready.

"Well isn't it two-thirds of our favourite OT3," Finn said.

All tension and danger disappeared. Instead, confusion filling the atmosphere.

"Oh-tee-three, what does that mean?" Hux relaxed his hold on his blaster.

Kylo too now pointed his lightsaber away from Finn, "What? You ship? You ship _us_? With who else?"

"Well Phasma of course," Finn said, "I mean, it was pretty obvious after Hux got drunk with everything he said."

"THAT WAS YOU!?" Hux yelled out, mystery solved on who he had spoken to when he was drunk.

"You've been reading fanfiction!?" Rey asked Finn, then turning to Kylo and going, "You _know_ about fanfiction?"

"I haven't been reading it," Finn said, but then flustered and fell silent. Nobody must know of his writings.

"What the hell is fanfiction? What is this oh-tee-three you speak of!? What is shipping?" Hux asked them, then looking at Poe, "do you understand any of this?"

Poe gave a shrug, then said, "I know about fanfic, just not about shipping... no hang on, I remember now what shipping is."

"They've been writing stories about us," Kylo explained to Hux.

Hux couldn't have been more confused in his life, "stories what stories?"

"Oh, send them to me!" Poe said to Finn.

Finn nodded, "yeah alright."

"What sort of stories?" Rey asked, a little concerned.

Hesitant, but Finn answered, quiet "Smut."

"What is _smut_?" Hux asked.

"Porn," Kylo simply replied, unfazed. "Send them to me too," he added to Finn.

"I uh, haven't got your email," Finn said to Kylo a little confused.

"It's bestknighteva "

"Hold up, I thought it was kyloren ?" Hux pushed Finn and Poe aside, standing between them, but never once breaking eyecontact from Kylo.

"Oh, but the sithgroupies one is my personal email," Kylo told him.

Hux looked instantly betrayed, "Why don't I have your personal email?" he sounded very hurt.

Finn looked at Rey, shaking his head, "lovers spat."

Rey nodded in agreement.

The lizard, Rivana, let out an impatient roar but she went unnoticed.

"I'm sure I gave you my personal email address," Kylo said, looking off into the distance. Perhaps in thought. Again those damn masks one couldnever tell the expressions of a person.

Hux just looked away from Kylo, not believing what he was hearing. Didn't have his personal email? By now he should have it.

A thought then occurred to the General. Hux looked at Poe, wondering if he should do it. Offering his hand, Hux said, "Hi, I'm General Hux of theFirst Order, how are you?"

Poe gave him a look of horror, but shook his hand and said, "Poe Dameron, pilot of the Resistance. I'm great, thanks for asking." They knew each other already, what was going on?

"Do you come out here often?" Hux asked.

"No, not really," Poe shook his head.

Now Kylo, Rey and Finn were staring in horror and surprise at what was unfolding in front of them.

"You have a nice face," Hux told him, "and not covered up by a mask, that's always nice."

But no one could have been more horrified, confused, or scared as Poe was in that moment, "Thanks? I guess?" Although to be honest, he was also very flattered. Not that he'd tell anyone.

Hux looked over at Kylo, smirk on face, "What do you think, Ren?"

The Knight shrugged, looking away, becoming very interested in his hands, "Whatever, I don't care."

"Sure," Hux said with a smile, not believing him.

Poe looked over Hux's shoulder, addressing Rey and Finn, "I'm changing my Wed, Bed and Behead answer. I'm wed-ing Hux." He regretted saying that immediately as Kylo and Hux now wanted the Resistance trio to tell them about _that_ and none of them were willing to talk.

* * *

Phasma waited alongside Snoke as they brought the rancor down. But she was starting to get worried about Hux, Kylo and Rivana. Staring into the forest, she decided they had been gone too long.

"Sir," Phasma said to Snoke, "I'm going to go and find the General and Kylo."

Too busy with organizing getting the rancor down, Snoke didn't even listen or look at her, "Yeah, sure."

Phasma took it as an okay anyway, ordering her troops to stay put and leaving into the woods.


	17. Fight Fight Fight!

**Summary: Kylo Ren and General Hux have found Finn, Rey and Poe in the forest. Now Phasma's joining them.**

"You wanted to behead me!?" That was most definitely Kylo's voice Phasma heard.

Another voice replied, "Well I had to behead someone! Besides, you've tried to kill me!" It was that Rey girl! What were her a Kylo doing talking?Were they making a deal?

Phasma followed the voices, next hearing Kylo saying "But so have Hux and Phasma!"

Well no need to throw her under the bus, Phasma thought, annoyed.

"Well Finn wanted to behead me," she heard Hux say. What in the gundarks ripped tutus was going on?

Phasma appeared through the trees, coming up from behind Rey, Finn, Hux, and the pilot Poe Dameron was there too. What in the fucking force? Kylo stood facing all of them, and Rivana was sleeping to the side.

But it was strange seeing Hux standing between Finn and Poe. Had the General defected? There was no way that would happen. Hux was too loyal to the Order...was he? Had Kylo finally driven him into insanity, into doing the impossible?

Phasma held up her blaster, pointing it at the Resistance members, "Anyone care to explain _what_ is going on?"

"Phasma, awesome, you're here!" Kylo said. His lightsaber was activated, but he wasn't holding it up. Finn's lightsaber was on too, but same deal.

"These guys have been playing Bed, Wed and Behead," Hux turned around and told her. Well he wasn't acting like he had become the enemy.

"None of them wanted to behead _you_ ," Kylo told her, sounding rather annoyed.

Putting down her blaster, Phasma said with genuine surprise, "Really?"

Finn shrugged, "Well you were always the nicest."

Phasma looked at her former trooper, "Finn, if you ever want a place back in the Order, it's there for you."

Finn looked touched by the comment, "thank you. But I don't think that's going to happen."

"Well, we have to take you in," Phasma said, putting the blaster up again and shot at Finn.

Of course he blocked with the lightsaber.

Kylo went for Finn, distracting him so Finn wouldn't attack Phasma with the lightsaber. Unfortunately Rey came towards her with that blasted managed to block with her hand, bless her armour.

"Pro-tip, Phasma," Kylo called out to her, "don't shoot at someone with a lightsaber!"

"Yeah, thanks!" Phasma yelled out, kicking Rey in the abdomen.

Hux and Poe stood at the side, feeling like they should start fighting. But when Hux looked at Poe, the pilot just shrugged.

"Wanna get lunch?" Hux asked.

Poe considered his offer, then nodded, "Yeah alright." Everyone else was too busy fighting to realise them leaving.

* * *

Sitting at the side was Rivana, looking as confused as a giant lizard could at the sudden violent eruption. But her ears perked up when Kylo spoketo her, "Rivana! Go report to Snoke! Tell him the Resistance knows we're here!" Rivana didn't need to understand the speech, for the Dark Side ofthe force made her understand. She ran off.

Noticing the lizard going to report to Snoke, Rey managed to knock Phasma down temporarily, turning to Rivana and using her staff to take the lizard out.

She was stopped by Kylo – still in battle with Finn, lightsabers crossed – who lifted one hand and force threw Rey into a tree.

This gave time for Phasma to get up and shoot towards Rey, but missed as Rey rolled over to avoid the blaster shots.

"Retreat!?" Finn yelled to Rey, wondering if she had the same idea.

"Retreat!" Rey agreed. Rey stabbed Phasma (or tried to) in her face, causing the Captain to topple over, giving her a chance to run. Finn did something similar, blocking a lightsaber attack, he spun, elbowed Kylo hard in the mask. Good thing Kylo's helmet was pretty unstable, causing his mask to press down hard and fast on his face. Kylo too feel to the ground, Finn jumping over the Knight and following Rey.

"Where's Poe!?" Rey shouted.

"I don't know!" Finn replied, "But we'll find him!"

They ran through the woods, not sure where they were, but finally coming out of the edge, back to the clearing where they saw the First Order in the distance. Running across the clearing was Rivana. Snoke would soon know about them.

"Back into the woods?" Rey asked, scanning the horizon.

"Look, over there!" Finn pointed to a shuttle not too far from them, closer than most of the troopers were.

"Is that their only ship?" Rey asked, "If it is we could steal it and they'll be stranded."

"For the time being," Finn agreed, "Until they contact their fleet. But I agree, we steal it."

"How?" Rey asked.

Finn didn't reply, but he didn't have to, she figured it out. Their eyes met, Rey gave a nod of approval. Looking back at the ship, Finn silently counted to three, and then they ran out of the woods.

There were still troopers guarding the shuttle, of course. They started to shoot at Rey and Finn, Finn taking the lead so he could reflect the blaster shots. If one came too close, Rey would take them out with her staff.

The last person to take out was the pilot, who came running out of the ship with a blaster. He shot at Rey, but she was close enough to the ramp to disarm him then knock him over. She ran into the ship, Finn following not too far behind.

"Start it, start it!" Finn yelled when Rey sat in the pilot's chair. She did just that, pressing buttons, although some unfamiliar to her.

"If only we had Poe!" She said.

Finn sat in the co-pilots seat to help her.

"I got it!" Rey yelled out, shuttle lifting off the ground. Other troopers had started running to them, shooting from the ground. But Finn had put the shields up.

"Where do we go?" Rey asked, trying to pick a direction.

"Out of here!" was Finn's only answer, so that's what she did. Rey headed away from where the First Order was, flying over the woods.

"Just don't head to base," Finn added, "We don't want the Order to find the location."

"They might already know," Rey said.

"Better safe than sorry."

So she turned the throttle, but still staying above the woods, she headed in another direction, not knowing where she was leading them.


	18. Wine and Hot Chips

**A/N: Sorry this has taken long to update guys (I always take so long), but you can find this in its entirety on my ao3 account (ImperialRemnant)!**

 **Summary: Poe and Hux seem to be going on a date and Kylo isn't happy.**

A restaurant in the middle of the woods was curious indeed. The only one to question this was Hux, but Poe was at ease with the entire thing.

"You don't find this weird? A restaurant in the middle of a forest?" Hux asked, as they sat down at a table. Table covers of pure white, table made of greel. Greel. The wood that Kylo's music box was made of. The pink napkins on the side of the plates reminding him of the pink felt in the box, of the pink tutu Kylo wore during the gundark incident. He even picked the napkin up to study it.

"You've never been to Tatooine, have you?" Poe asked, sounding amused.

Hux put the napkin down. It wasn't quite the same pink, "I'm hardly interested in outer-rim planets."

"Unless they join the First Order, am I right?" Poe asked.

Hux didn't answer. Instead now he looked around the restaurant, several different alien types mingling around. The decoration around the room was simple, although varied. He spotted an abstract sculpture of chrome silver. Chrome. It reminded him of Phasma.

"Have you got money?" Poe asked, skimming the menu.

"I'm a General of course I have money." he didn't. But he didn't want Poe to know that. Looking at the menu, Hux was aghast at how expensive things were.

"I bet the servings aren't even big," Poe said, "Maybe I'll just get some fries, you think they have fries?"

"If you mean _hot chips_ , then certainly," Hux replied, spotting it on the menu. It was one of the cheaper options. Maybe he should go for it too. He flicked to the drinks, wondering if getting drunk again would be worth it.

"Oh, they have wine!" Poe said. Well if he was going to get drinks, Hux may as well too.

When they finished ordering, and the hot chips(Hux hated calling them fries) came to the table, they were ready to dig in.

Unfortunately they were interrupted by a very rude Kylo.

Actually, let that be rephrased.

A very _jealous_ Kylo. Lightsaber ablaze.

"Kylo what the fu-" Hux started, interrupted by Kylo yelling "THAT BOX WAS SYMBOLISM FOR MY HEART YOU PIECE OF SHIT AND I GAVE IT TO YOU!"

Luckily Kylo didn't go straight to Hux though, instead heading over to Poe to strike him down with his lightsaber.

"Wait, Kylo, no!" Hux stood up to stop him. Standing in his way, Hux grabbed the wrist of the hand with the saber, with his other hand grabbing Kylo's shoulder, "Stop this!"

"It doesn't matter, he's the enemy! He's evil!"

Unfazed, Poe said "From my point of view, you're evil," he hadn't even stood up and tried to run for it. Instead he took a sip of his wine.

Somehow, Hux could feel Kylo's anger filling around the restaurant. Everyone – including himself – becoming restless, scared. Heart starting to beat faster. What felt like adrenaline starting to kick in? Yet, he couldn't make himself move. Hux had no idea the force could work in this way, if it was the force. But wow he had never been scared of Kylo like this before.

"Look, nothing's going on here, let's go take a breather," It took a moment for Hux to be able to talk. He didn't let go of Kylo either, worried even for his own life. Well, the only life he ever worried about was his own. For all he knew after he killed Poe he'd go straight for Hux!

Kylo let out an angry yell, pulling himself away from Hux's hold, throwing his lightsaber to the wall, scaring many of the other customers. Lightsaber hitting the abstract sculpture, breaking it in the process. Kylo must've done some sort of force push too. Tables flew into the walls. Cutlery, table cloths, napkins fell everywhere. Kylo then used the force again to bring the lightsaber back to him, hooking it on his belt as he stormed out.

Hux stared at the destruction, the broken sculpture. One of the greel tables had fallen near Hux's feet, one of the pink napkins laying there.

Around him, waiters were apologising to the customers, some of them even leaving. Poe was still not deterred, eating his food. Hux looked back at the door, making his decision.

* * *

Phasma walked into the restaurant to find Poe Dameron at a table, eating some chips, sipping some wine. Tables and a sculpture destroyed nearby.

"Where's Kylo and Hux?"

Poe shrugged, "Kylo yelled something about giving Hux his heart, had a force tantrum, ran off. Hux went after him. Do you have money?"

Phasma frowned under her helmet, "No." she sat down though after realizing there was an extra plate of chips. She placed her blaster down, then took off her helmet - something she of course never did – and started to eat.

Poe was staring at her, which was bothering the fuck out of her. So she put down the chip she was eating and glared at him, "what?"

"Are you down for a one night stand?" Poe asked, curious.

She continued to glare, grabbing wine glass which also seemed to be part of the meal. A weird beverage choice. But nonetheless threw it at Poe's face. She tucked her helmet under her arm, picking the blaster up in the same one, then grabbing the plate as well.

"No wait that came out wrong! It's not what I meant! Sorry! I'm sorry," Poe was saying, "I swear!"

He sounded so genuine Phasma wondered if she should forgive him. But, he was the enemy. She turned and walked off. A waiter tried to stop her because she was 'stealing' the plate or something, so she shot him in the face.

Rude.

* * *

Hux thought he'd get lost in the forest, but he didn't thankfully, being able to see Kylo in the distance and follow him. The Knight wasn't running, but ignored Hux's shouting.

"Kylo!"

He didn't stop. When Hux caught up to him, he grabbed him by the shoulder, turning him around.

"What's the deal, Ren?" Hux asked, his usual anger seeping into his voice.

Kylo shook his hand off his shoulder, "Nothing."

"Well it's hardly nothing! I've never seen you throw a force induced tantrum before! What the hell?"

Kylo looked away, not answering Hux. Instead igniting his lightsaber and then hacking at a tree, cutting it down in a rather crude fashion.

"Kylo," Hux said, speaking gently was more difficult than he realised, "Hey, look at me." He tugged at Kylo's arm, forcing him to turn around. Kylo still wouldn't look at him.

"Hey," Hux said again, taking hold of his chin, moving his head, once again mask to face. "You okay?"

Kylo was silent. Hux was about to ask again, but Kylo let out a small "yeah."

Hux debated whether or not to take off Kylo's mask, but decided if he didn't even want to talk properly, the last thing he'd do is take off the helmet. So he took Kylo's hands into his own, smiling, surprised at how easily he was able to. He never really smiled unless he had successfully taken out the enemy. "Come on, it's fine. Nothing was happening, let's just get back to the Order."

"I think I just want to stay here a while," Kylo answered, letting go of Hux's hands. He sat down by a tree, leaning against it.

Hesitant, Hux also went over, sitting down on the ground beside Kylo. He put both hands on Kylo's leg, half-glad he didn't object to the touch.

* * *

She spotted them, Kylo leaning against the tree and Hux beside him. Hux was actually touching Him. Fucking finally, Phasma figured. Having clipped her blaster onto her belt, she was able to eat the chips when she walked. Helmet under one arm. When she stopped beside the two, she noticed by Kylo's body language – hunched up, staring down – that he wasn't in a good mood.

Phasma sat down on the other side of Kylo, offering both of them chips.

Kylo looked at the plate, followed by a quiet "No thanks."

But Hux took one without a word.

They all sat like that, together. Phasma and Hux eating the chips, Kylo in between the two of them, not saying a word.


	19. Free Fallin'

**Summary:** **Poe nearly dies, but is saved by Finn and Rey. Meanwhile, Snoke feels something in the force...**

Poe was the shittiest piece of shit to ever shit. Asking Phasma such an inappropriate question, how had that even occurred to him? He should just ask Finn for the lightsaber and chop his own leg off or something.

When he finished his dinner, he realised that he didn't have the credits to pay for everything.

"Er, I'm with her," Poe said, pointing to the door when the waiter came to take the dishes away. Phasma was long gone, but they knew who he was talking about.

The waiter took a step back, looking terrified.

"Cool, see youse," Poe got up and ran out of the restaurant. Now to find Finn and Rey. Hopefully he won't come across Phasma, Kylo or Hux. He was pretty sure at least two-thirds of that threesome would try to kill him on sight.

In fact, screw Finn for saying Hux was a dickhead. The guy might have as much personality as a Goldie, but he hadn't tried to kill him!

Poe didn't even know where he was, every tree looked the same and he was sure he had crossed that particular bush at least five times already. Continuously dialling for Finn or Rey, he tried getting into contact with them. He wasn't getting much signal though, deciding to climb a tree. Man, some food would be great right now. Not that he'd just eaten or anything.

Finding a low branch, he grabbed hold of it and lifted himself up. He continued doing this until he was... well it was a long drop that was for sure. Every time he would retell this story, it would always be a different length. First ten meters. Then thirty. Then fifty. At one point he would say one hundred meters which would earn him a kick from Finn.

But it was _at least_ ten meters. That much he was going to say, no matter how much anyone else (Finn or Rey) said.

So he was up the tree, checking his comm. Signal quite good, he dialled again. "Hello?" he said into it.

"We're headed your way," he heard Finn say.

"How do you know where I am?" Poe asked.

"We can sense you."

"You can sense me?" They cut off the call in the middle of Poe's sentence. What the fuck?

Anyway, what happened next, Poe would also retell differently every time. Perhaps the most absurd being he fought a rancor on the tree and was pushed off by it. This would earn him a glare from Rey (which is all you really need from the granddaughter of Darth Vader) and he would shut up.

No, unfortunately a much more mundane incident played out.

Poe lost his footing, slipping off the tree. He was going to die! All he could hear and feel was the air swishing past and he had to close his eyes. But then he felt his descent slow. Instead of splattering onto the forest floor, he fell onto it with a small _pat_.

Finn and Rey both came running over to him, "You alright? I didn't know you could scream that loud!" Finn said, helping him up.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine," Poe said, a little out of it. He had _nearly died_.

"Come on, we should head back to the ship," Rey said.

"Ship? What ship?" Poe asked, "We didn't have a ship!"

"Oh, we acquired one," Finn explained, "Snoke was kind enough to lend it. We need you to fly it."

Poe grinned, all smug, "Well I _am_ the best pilot in the galaxy!"

"Don't get cocky," Rey joked, leading the way back to the shuttle.

* * *

Shooting in the distance, Rivana running across the field, Snoke really had no idea what was going on. All he cared about were the two Resistance members and for them to be killed. Seemed no one could even do _that_ properly.

The failures paid for their life, suffering the dark side of the force.

And once Snoke was done, he ordered a new ship to be flown down.

Rivana, on the other hand, was most helpful. Supplying information that Kylo, Hux and Phasma had come across three enemies. Gotten into a fight. Perhaps they managed to kill the third one, but Snoke could only hope.

On the other hand, it was most likely at the Resistance knew they were on planet. A battle will break out, so he then had them call for as many Troopers as possible. Hopefully, this would be the final battle and they will destroy the Resistance.

"Look at this Rivana," Snoke said, watching as a giant cage was brought out of a shipping cruiser. "This is your brother."

Inside the cage was not a Dark Lizard. Snoke meant 'brother' in an adopted sense. A rancor was in the cage, it's wailing and roaring probably reaching for miles.

Rivana only stared at the rancor, claws flexing in anticipation.

"Have you been providing the rancor the alcohol?" Snoke asked a Trooper.

"Yessir," they replied, "He's tipsy, at least."

"Good," Snoke said, looking into the distance, into the forest. Something was in the air. No, not the air. In the atmosphere, in every living thing. Even Rivana could feel it, giving a slow, trilling snarl.

"Are you all right, sir?" One of the troopers asked.

"There has been an awakening. Have you felt it?" Snoke looked over to the Knights of Ren, "The dark side..." his brows furrowed (or the equivalent thereof), "and the light."

* * *

Rey, Finn and Poe all argued in the shuttle. Poe insisting he knew how to drive it. Of course they believed him, but it didn't help that he kept hitting tree branches.

"Look, I can't help that the trees are so close, okay? Now are we going back to base or not?" Poe could only become so much more frustrated.

"We're not going back to base, the Resistance is starting to move out. They'll be ready. I've just told you this!" Finn said, annoyed.

"So why are we even in this shuttle?" Rey asked.

"I'm heading back to base" Poe said, "I'm not heading into battle without my x-wing or Beebee!"

"Alright, alright, make it quick," Finn said, "we don't know when this battle will start."

"Yeah, and we all need to be ready," Rey said. She unclipped the blaster Han had given her off her belt. Staff. Blaster. Long range. Short range. She was set.

Finn would do fine with the lightsaber, she hoped. And Poe would have his X-Wing.

"Just, you boys stay safe, all right?" Rey said, "I don't want to hear about any of my boys dying."

"Unless it's taking out the bucket heads, right?" Poe asked with a grin.

Rey chuckled, "Preferably not at all, but if you do...then you better be taking out bucket heads."


	20. Rumours

**Summary: Members of the First Order discuss their own thoughts on the Kylo/Hux/Phasma relationship.**

Two of Captain Phasma's troopers stood to the side of the forest. They had been told by Snoke to guard, and if they see Kylo, Hux or Phasma to contact him immediately.

"Where do you think they are?" One trooper asked – let's just call him One, as we lack names for the characters.

The second – and we'll call him Two – shrugged, "I thought they were sent out to scout."

"All three of them? Seems... suspicious," One said.

"Well, Knight Kylo and General Hux were sent out first. Captain followed when she thought they were gone too long," Two explained. Then added, "You don't believe the rumours, do you?"

One chuckled, "The rumours? Sure, why not? Explains everything, doesn't it? Hux _hated_ Kylo, and now they're friends? So quickly?"

"And you think the Captain's in the mix?" Two asked. He wasn't one to believe the rumours, but was always interested in what others thought.

One was silent, considering the question, "Perhaps. I wouldn't be surprised to be honest. She's always gotten along with them both. Maybe Ren and the General stopped hating each other because of her?"

"That's an interesting suggestion."

Both thought they heard a rustling in the trees and pointed up their blasters. A squirrel bound out of a bush and bustled by.

"Heh," One said, sounding amused, "nearly got terrified of a squirrel."

"So," Two was still curious to hear what One had to say on their beliefs about their superiors, "You think the three of them might actually be getting it on? I mean, not right now I hope, but just, in general?"

"Oh, hell nah!" One replied, "That I _don't_ believe."

* * *

"Yeah, I definitely think they're having at it sometimes," One of the Knights of Ren – let's call them Nyte – said to one of the other Knights – who we'll call Wren.

Wren laughed, loud and high, "You've got to be joking! Seriously? I haven't heard these rumours. Okay, I had an idea that something like this existed, but to that extent?"

Nyte crossed their arms, "Have you spoken with Kylo? He's always wanting to get Hux's approval."

"I thought he just didn't want Hux to hate him? And you know Kylo can't handle it when people hate him. He _always_ needs approval. Maybe he never got attention from his mother or father."

"That's true. But I know, or believe, whatever, that there's more to it than wanting to not be hated," Nyte replied with a snort.

"Hux isn't even attractive," Wren added as an afterthought, "And he's kinda... well... a dick."

The rancor roared in its cage, causing the cage to sway side to side. Without speaking a word, Nyte and Wren moved a little further away. They were terrified with how Snoke was cooing at the rancor, and then at the giant lizard Rivana.

"What about Phasma?" Nyte asked, "Know what she looks like?"

"Not a single clue," Wren said, "at least she's nice, though."

Nyte nodded, "yeah, that's true."

"But you'll never want to go further with someone until you see what they look like, right?" Wren asked, shifting around on their feet with boredom.

"Well, that's debatable," Nyte pointed out, "But it can certainly factor in depending on the person. You think Kylo would really care?"

"You know, I don't think he would," Wren said, surprised realisation in their tone, "Huh. That's interesting."

* * *

The shuttle which Snoke had ordered to replace the stolen one finally landed in the clearing. Lieutenant... Bob (and as one would guess, not his true name), came down the ramp. He was expecting the General, but instead Lieutenant Daenerys (again, not her true name, but a name nonetheless, and nothing to do with character of Game of Thrones who is awesome really. Go Daenerys Targaryen!) came to greet him.

"Where's General Hux?" Lieutenant Bob asked, looking around. He noticed the rancor's cage, gazing on it a little longer. Was nobody going to stop that violent swaying?

He looked back to Lieutenant Daenerys when she spoke, "Hux has disappeared into the forest sir... with, er..."

"With whom?" Lieutenant Bob asked, frowning.

"You wouldn't believe it," Lieutenant Daenerys smirked, "Or maybe you would. With, er, Kylo Ren and Captain Phasma. They went to do some _scouting_."

Now Lieutenant Bob had an unkind smile on his face, "Oh, _scouting_ you say? I hope it goes well."

"Yes, it turns out they came across members of the Resistance, who got away. They're saying they _ran_ away actually."

"From fear of survival, or were they terrified of what they saw?" Lieutenant Bob, tone most cruel.

"Well, either way, that's why the shuttle's gone," Lieutenant Daenerys said, "Although I still wonder where they are. They haven't returned."

Lieutenant Bob snorted, "Well the General certainly needs a good lay."

Both Bob and Daenerys laughed in the most unpleasant manner.

* * *

Captain Phasma stood up from the ground, having finally finished her chips.

"We should go," Phasma said, "There may be a battle soon. And Snoke needs help with the rancor."

Hux stood up too, "Yes, we don't want to anger him more than we already have." Hux looked down at Kylo, extending his hand, "You ready to go?"

"I sense... bloodshed," Kylo said, "The dark side. It's growing. But so is... another presence..."

"What are you babbling on about?" Phasma asked.

"I must show them the dark side," Kylo took Hux's hand, and Hux helped him up. They didn't let go of each other.

"Show _who_ the dark side?"

"The Jedi," Kylo said, "Not just the Rey girl or the defector Finn. Can you not sense it?"

"I think you've forgotten we're not attuned to the force as you are, Kylo," Phasma said. She sounded worried, not something she often was.

"It's Skywalker. He's _here_."

"Well that concludes it," Hux said, he also took hold of Phasma's hand ready to drag the two back with him, "We're getting back to the Order. We need to get the troops ready."

Kylo tried to let go of Hux's hand, to pull away, perhaps to find Luke.

But Hux held on tight. "You're not going anywhere, Kylo. Not yet. You will not go and find Skywalker. You might end up surrounded by the Resistance and then be killed."

"I must," Kylo said.

"You know you get creepishly serious when the Resistance and Jedi are around," Phasma said. Hux agreed. It was terrifying. Did the event at the restaurant have anything to do with it too? Or was that a different matter entirely?

"Kylo, I order you to come back with us," Hux said, although it might be in vain. They were no longer on Starkiller Base, having been the only time he could order Kylo to do anything.

But the Knight yielded, now becoming less serious, "Fine, all right. We'll go." It was as if he snapped out of his anger, and the fear in the air dissolved.

"You think they've got the tutu?" Kylo asked, going back to his cheerful self, now pulling Hux along, not having let go of his hand.

This time Hux tried to pull away, but Kylo held on tight. Phasma also kept a tight hold on Hux's hand.


	21. Phasma's Huggalumps and Snoke's Doodles

**Summary: Hux and Phasma show their love for Kylo by disobeying Snoke's orders. Kylo stays behind to help Snoke with the rancor.**

Reaching the edge of the forest, knowing the clearing would be right through the trees, Hux stopped them.

"There's nothing wrong with us holding hands!" Kylo insisted, refusing to let go. The sap.

"It's not that! I need to," Hux sighed, looking at the ground, "I need to give back your music box."

"What? No, you keep it," Kylo told him, but he let go of the General's hand.

"I can't keep it, Kylo," Hux said, looking back up. He hated looking at the mask and not his face.

Phasma also let go of his hand, so Hux reached into his coat and-

"Huh. I must've left it on the shuttle," Hux said, when he realised his pockets were empty except for some lint.

"Great! Don't give it back," Kylo told him, stern, "I gave it to you for a reason."

"What, that it symbolised your heart?" Hux asked, "What does that even _mean_?"

"It means what he says it means," Phasma said, "Now come on, my little huggalumps."

"Hugga _what_?" Hux asked, but neither replied and instead walked into the clearing. Hux stood rooted on the spot for a moment, too confused to move. He brought himself to his senses, shaking his head, continuing after them.

* * *

"What do you mean the shuttle was stolen?" Hux asked, infuriated.

He was kinda cute when he was angry, Kylo thought, but right now _wasn't_ the time to think that. Rey and Finn had stolen the shuttle. The shuttle Hux left the music box on.

"General ya better stand down, or it ain't gonna be pretty," Snoke said, "I let ya go once, don't think I'm one to give second chances."

"It's okay, Hux," Kylo told him, he was standing right behind him, only needing to whisper to be heard, "Just leave it."

"But your music box!" Hux exclaimed, turning to face him, no issue with keeping his voice _not_ a whisper.

Snoke didn't seem interested, going back to yelling at the troopers to make sure the rancor was as smashed as a Corellian Smuggler.

Hux looked furious.

Kylo put his hand on his shoulder, Hux shrugging it away. "I'll be back," Hux gritted through his teeth, then running off into the forest.

"What? General! It's not that important!" Kylo tried to yell after him.

"Scuse me," Phasma said, also running off.

"Phasma!" Kylo yelled, but she disappeared into the trees too, after Hux.

"Don't ya dare go anywhere Kylo," Snoke said, "I need your help here."

Kylo sighed.

* * *

Running, spotting Hux, Phasma skidded to a stop, nearly hurtling straight into the General.

"Where do you think we should go?" Phasma asked, "To the Resistance base?"

"They must be somewhere," Hux said, then he just stood around, not doing anything, like he was trying to sense which way to go.

Did he have _force abilities_? Phasma wondered. That was an absurd thought.

Finally, Hux dialled his Lieutenants demanding information.

"I ordered trackers to be placed on all vehicles," Hux growled into his comm.

"They must've disconnected it, sir," was the reply, a woman.

Hux closed his eyes, mouthing what appeared to be numbers. Counting. Ah yes, the best way to handle anger: Close your eyes and count slowly to ten.

Perhaps he had been to anger management, Phasma figured. That would explain a lot.

When Hux opened his eyes, he addressed his comm, "Lieutenant, send me the coordinates of the Resistance base-,"

"But sir!"

"Now! Lieutenant. Do it right now. Tell His Greatness I will not be there to help with his rancor. _However_ , if I find anything worth of note about the Resistance and can get a message to you I will do so."

"And inform him I will not be there either," Phasma said, "I will be with the General."

"Yes General, yes Captain, it will be done at once," The Lieutenant said.

Hux cut the call, a moment later the coordinates of the Resistances whereabouts were sent.

"Well, they're not far," Hux said, walking.

Phasma followed.

* * *

"Would you like to play a game, sir?" Phasma asked, looking around at the trees, "I'd say _I Spy_ but that's quite limited. I mean, I spy with my little eye something green. Well plants, obviously."

"No, not at all Captain, we're on a serious mission," Hux said.

"Yes, to get Kylo's music box. The most important thing to the First Order. Top priority," no callousness was found in her tone, more an amusement. Besides, she was going with Hux, wasn't she? A bit hypocritical if she were rude about it.

Hux said nothing. Always such a great conversationalist.

"Maybe we could play Bed, Wed, Behead," Phasma said, "With the Resistance trio!"

" _No_ , Phasma," Hux said, "Besides, wasn't it _Wed_ , _Bed_ , Behead?"

"Does it matter? If not with Finn, Rey and Dameron. Then maybe... Leia Organa, Luke Skywalker and Han Solo?"

"Captain if you don't shut up I will order you to head back."

"I'd like to see you try, you haven't even got a blaster."

"What? I do... where in the spice mines did it go!? Oh force dammit!"

* * *

Perhaps the rancor could use a name, Kylo thought. He starred at it in its cage, much like he had with Rivana. If he had access to a library, he'd find out all he could about rancors. What to feed it, how to keep it calm.

Although he was getting very drunk, so perhaps there was a different procedure.

"Does the rancor have a name, sir?" Kylo asked Snoke, looking at the Supreme Leader.

"Well, it's not like I'd get an animal without naming it," Snoke said, "It doesn't have a name _yet_. I was thinking of something beginning with... D..."

"Why D sir?" Kylo asked.

Snoke didn't answer, concentrating far too hard, "Duu-. No...Doooo-."

"Doodles," Kylo said.

Snoke barked with laughter, hitting Kylo on the back, "Kylo, you've done it again! Keep this up and I'll forget our little spat!"

Kylo smiled, "Doodles is a great name sir."

Doodles let out a drunken roar.

Rivana snapped playfully at Kylo's fingers. "Hey girl," He gave her a pat on the head, she purred.

"She's taken a liking to you," Snoke said bitterly, looking away and sniffing loudly. "Wonder if there's any more alcohol?"

"They need to be looked after right," Kylo said, "Or they won't take a particular liking to you. Animals can be quite clever," Kylo looked down at the dark lizard, its red eyes wide, "especially ones so powerful in the darkside of the force."

"Well a rancor is hardly that," Snoke said.

"Hardly, but they're large and deadly."

Snoke side-eyed Kylo with a glare, but said nothing.

One trooper came over, "Sir, the rancor is suitably drunk."

Kylo stood up taller, voice once again changing to a child-like one, "Tutu?"

Snoke smiled now too, "Yes, fetch the tutu!"


	22. A Most Important Mission

**Summary: Hux and Phasma are on a most important mission, and they seem to have achieved it successfully with absolutely no screw ups what so ever.**

The Resistance had parked the stolen shuttle very close to the forest edge. Hux and Phasma crouched close behind a tree nearby.

"It wouldn't be so hard to get it," Phasma said, "Maybe we could attack the Resistance at the same time?"

"This is why you're not in charge of organising battles," Hux said, with slight annoyance, "Think about it Captain. There's two of us, neither force users, one blaster between us. And they have, what? Entire arsenals, fleets, three maybe four force users, and only about dozens and dozens of extra soldiers."

"Sounds like pretty good odds sir," Phasma said, looking ready to run out.

Hux stared.

"I'm joking," Phasma said with a laugh, giving Hux a playful punch, "lighten up!"

Hux just grumbled, looking back at the ship. They were in the middle of a war, ready for a battle at any moment. Now was hardly the time to 'lighten up'. But he let Phasma have it. May as well joke around while they still could.

"We should just sneak up to the ramp," Hux said, glad to see it was open. As if they were inviting them into it.

Maybe that meant it was a trap.

"Come on," Phasma said, running off.

"Phasma, wait!" Hux said, hushed. But the Captain had already run off, and up the ramp of the ship.

He waited for it. An explosion, heavy fire, hundreds of Resistance fighters swooping in. Nothing happened.

Huh. Or maybe he was wrong.

Hux ran to the ship, staying low, up the ramp.

"What are you doing?" Hux hissed to her, "that could've been a trap!"

"But it wasn't," Phasma said, "So are we just getting the box or the whole ship?"

They stared at each other for a moment.

"I'll start the engines," Hux said, taking the pilots chair.

"All right!" Phasma sat down in the co-pilots, putting down her blaster.

* * *

Finn, Rey and Poe had been heading back into the Base when they heard the engines of the shuttle fire up. The three turned, the guards standing outside of base put up their blasters.

"Oh my force," Rey exclaimed, "It's Hux and Phasma!"

The Resistance shooting, but it was no use, the shields were on full.

"Those Sons of Banthas!" Finn yelled out, running over to the shuttle, "THAT'S MY SHIP NOW, BRING IT BACK!"

" _Your_ ship?" Rey asked, "I was piloting it first!" she had also run up. Both shaking their fists.

The shuttle turned and sped off in the direction of the clearing the First Order had taken occupation on.

"Those little shits," Poe said from behind them.

"I can't believe they'd do this, could you believe they'd do this?" Finn asked Rey, who gave a nod and shared a look of agreement.

"Well, they _are_ the enemy," Poe then said, "So it makes sense."

"Complete shits," Finn said, "And I left my cook book on there too!"

"You have a cook book?" Rey asked, "Of what _? The Fifty Most Evil Foods As Discovered By the Empire_?"

"They were cupcake recipes!" Finn said, very upset.

Rey gasped, "No! What? Oh god no!"

"Stop mocking me!" Finn said.

"How the hell did your cook book get on the shuttle? Were you carrying it around?" Poe asked.

"I always do, I don't want to lose it!" Finn said.

"Didn't you give some of the recipes to Chewie, anyway?" Poe then asked.

Finn shrugged, "I suppose you're right."

"All right, look," Rey said, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder, "We'll win this battle against the Order and get your cupcake cook book back."

Finn nodded, "Yeah, alright. We'll win anyway so it won't be too hard."

Poe had looked away, mouthing the words _cupcake-cook-book-back_ to himself, saying it faster and faster like it were tongue twister.

* * *

Cheering from inside the shuttle, Hux and Phasma hugging each other. Then letting go and going back to piloting the shuttle.

"I can't believe we managed to steal back the shuttle!" Phasma said.

"And without any muck-ups!" Hux added, "And Kylo's music box is somewhere in here."

"It's like a miracle!" Phasma said, "Thank the Force Gods for all of this!"

"I'm going to go and find Kylo's music box, I'll put the ship on autopilot," Hux said, pressing the button in haste, getting up and starting to look around the cockpit.

"I _know_ how to pilot a ship," Phasma said.

"I don't trust you at the controls," Hux argued.

He left the cockpit, and Phasma heard the rattling and banging from other parts of the ship. Clearly Hux had decided to do a thorough search.

Phasma sat in the co-pilots chair, a little annoyed she hadn't been allowed to do the piloting while Hux searched.

Eyes glancing around the cockpit, a beeping caught her eye.

The shuttle wasn't in autopilot. The General must not have pressed the button properly.

"Er, General!" Phasma called out, reaching to grab hold of the controls in the pilot's spot.

"Don't touch the controls, Phasma!" she heard Hux yell from somewhere in the ship.

The shuttle was slowly starting to descend into the trees. She moved the ship up a little but it jerked violently.

"PHASMA DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!"

Sighing, Phasma buckled herself, and her blaster, in. She sat there as the ship sank into the trees and crashed onto the ground.

* * *

Neither Hux nor Phasma had been seriously injured, at least. Considering they had been flying quite low in the first place had been a good thing.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU DO ANYTHING!?" Hux came storming into the cockpit, bruise forming around his eye. Phasma learnt as they crashed that Hux could scream quite loudly when he wanted to.

"Well you told me not to," She replied simply, unbuckling herself. The shuttle was, most likely, too damaged to fly anymore.

"WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I DIDN'T PRESS THE AUTOPILOT PROPERLY?"

"I tried, sir," Phasma said again.

Hux didn't seem to listen and continued, "CAN'T I TRUST ANYBODY TO DO THINGS PROPERLY AROUND HERE?"

Phasma looked into the camera like she was on The Office.


	23. What Are They Doing?

**Summary: Hux and Phasma are very lost. The Resistance is preparing for battle.**

Doodles the rancor now sat in his cage, very drunk, with a teal tutu on. The process of putting on the tutu had been incredibly anti-climactic. Not as difficult as putting it on the gundark. Although the rancor was out of it, which made it thousands times easier. Still, Kylo didn't feel appeased.

Some of the Knights and Snoke's hired scientists were writing what they observed from the rancor.

Yes, it's not science until it's written down, Kylo knew that. But he realised why this made him rather uncomfortable. Was it not animal abuse?

Although Snoke would argue it didn't matter. They were supposed to be _evil_.

But Kylo was just in for this for the fashion (Sith had _great_ fashion sense), the artefacts (What can he say? He loved history. He loved Vader's mask, and he would certainly like to get a hold of the lightsaber that defector Finn now held) and of course he needed a job because money was important in this society.

Unlatching his lightsaber from his belt, Kylo stared at it, turning it in his hands. Sure, it wasn't an elegant design. He had based it off a much more ancient look. Unsophisticated, to say the least. The crystal wasn't cut well either, making the blade unclean. He felt a nudge at his side, looking over to see Rivana there again. She had most certainly taken a liking to him. He petted the lizard, and she fell to the ground beside him, falling asleep.

It seems she's gotten used to the rancor by now.

* * *

They were so lost. At least Phasma was pretty sure they were. And very screwed. Sure, they had managed to get Kylo's music box, Hux putting it into his coat right now. But for whatever reason it seemed their comms were broken, the ship communications broken, and they had no idea of their current position.

"We could think of this as a holiday," Phasma tried to be optimistic. It was hopeless. "Who am I kidding, this is hopeless."

"Like a wilderness holiday," Hux said. Phasma looked at him in surprise. Was he actually going to be optimistic for once? "I hate wilderness holidays," Hux scowled.

Well, maybe not.

"We were still quite close to the Resistance when we crashed," Phasma said, "Do you think they saw us."

"Maybe," Hux said, "We should just walk in a direction and get out of here."

"Good idea," Phasma said.

They headed in opposite directions.

"Phasma, this way!"

"But sir!"

"DON'T ARGUE!"

* * *

Our Resistance trio ran to Leia, who was already waist deep in formulating battle plans. The explained quickly what happened, and they explained _everything_ , even though Poe tried to stop Finn and Rey.

"And we were talking about the whole wed, bed, behead thing-,"

"And Hux and Poe went on a date-,"

"It's wasn't a _date_!"

"And we got into a fight-,"

"You're both explaining this out of order!"

"We saved Poe from certain death-,"

Leia put her hand up to stop them from talking, "All right, so after contacting the Resistance, you came across Kylo Ren, Captain Phasma and General Hux. Kylo and Phasma tried to kill you, Poe went off with Hux. You two stole a shuttle and Poe nearly got himself killed. Then he nearly died again falling out of a tree, you two saved him, and you flew back here in the shuttle which just got stolen by Phasma and Hux."

How the ever loving fuck she had understood what had been said was beyond any of them. Then again, she was General for a reason.

Leia turned to Poe, "Get ready your fighters, we're going in." She then turned to Rey and Finn, "So the Order already knows we're here, I need you two to go ahead."

"Why?" Finn asked.

"Luke has let his presence be known," Leia told them, "Get a head start. He'll follow."

Finn and Rey shared a look, but they both nodded.

"Oh, and Rey," Leia turned away, grabbing something cylindrical from a table. She offered it to Rey. A lightsaber. "This was Master Kenobi's lightsaber," Leia explained.

Rey took it, twisting the lightsaber in her hand, glancing over at the one Finn had attached to his belt. As if knowing what she wanted, he unattached it, passing it over to her so she could compare them.

In her left hand she held the lightsaber of Anakin Skywalker.

In the right, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Both silver and black, Anakin's cutting diagonal at the top, Obi-Wan's rounded on the bottom. Rey passed Anakin's back to Finn. Both clipping their respective lightsabers to their belt.

Rey looked up at Leia, smiling, "thank you."

"Good luck, sweetheart," Leia said to Rey, also smiling.

Finn and Rey then ran off together, leaving the base.

When they were out of sight, Leia turned to a nearby Resistance soldier, "Have the flag raised!"

* * *

Back with the First Order, two troopers stood by a First Order banner. Its flag red, the symbol black in the centre.

In the distance a blue flag appearing. And although the symbol in its centre was too small to see, it could easily be guessed to be the flag of the Resistance.

One trooper turned to the other "Hey."

"Yeah?" the second trooper replied.

"You ever wonder why we're here?"


	24. Capture the Flag

**Summary: Hux and Phasma find themselves in the midst of something unusual.**

Good thing there had been a spare blaster in the crashed shuttle. Hux would have died without one.

No, literally, he would've died. Especially since some members of the Resistance were now chasing them through the forest.

"You realise this is your fault, right?" Phasma asked, " _You_ wanted to head toward the Resistance base."

"I didn't know it was the Resistance!" Hux said, "All our tech's down!"

"A tragic incident," Phasma said, not sounding like it had been tragic at all.

They ran behind a tree, Hux crouching, Phasma staying standing. Firing at some oncoming soldiers who ran their way. Both hitting their targets.

"That was strangely easy," Hux said, "Let's loot them."

"Like common criminals?" Phasma asked, shocked that Hux would even suggest it.

"They might have better weapons," Hux suggested.

Phasma said nothing, but figured Hux had a very good point. She walked over to the fallen troopers, followed closely by Hux. They went through the pockets of the deceased. They found credits, weapons appearing quite descent too. Hux changed the blaster he found in the shuttle to a better one being carried by a Resistance member, setting it to kill rather than stun.

"I wonder why they all have these on stun," Phasma said.

"Because they're wusses, that's why," but anything that didn't involve death for Hux was probably cowardly. And, let's be honest here, it's the same with the entire First Order.

Go big or go home. That's the motto.

Really, Starkiller Base wouldn't exist if that weren't the motto.

"Come on," Hux said, and the two ran through the trees. They still weren't sure where they were going, perhaps around in circles. Perhaps further away from the Resistance _and_ the First Order.

They didn't know, but they weren't sure if they cared.

* * *

What could have been a few minutes later. Perhaps hours, but not hours. A silver platform lay ahead of them surrounded by the trees of the forest. Circular, low enough they could step on it, metallic. In the middle of the platform, sticking out, was a pole with a flag. Blue with a black Resistance insignia on it.

"That's odd," Phasma said, "What do you think it is?"

"A flag?" Hux said, being smart.

"You know what I mean," Phasma rolled her eyes under the helmet.

The General took a step up onto the platform.

"Sir be careful, could be a trap!" Phasma said. She didn't want to get shot at by the enemy again.

Hux went up to the flag, grabbing hold of the pole, he pulled it out slowly. Once it was all the way out, Hux held it over his head, a female voice from around them spoke "Resistance flag has been captured" sounding much like it was from a video game.

"The fu-" Hux started, but a sudden shot missed his nose by a centimetre.

Phasma shot to her left. Once. Twice. A third time. Members of the Resistance falling. Dead.

"Were they even _trying_?" Phasma questioned, then looked back at Hux, but it was like she had forgotten about him taking out the flag at all. In shock, she pointed her blaster at him and said, "GENERAL HAVE YOU JOINED THE RESISTANCE?"

"What!?" Hux exclaimed, "Phasma, no! I just took it out of the platform! I captured it!"

"Are you sure, sir?" Phasma asked, looking ready to fire.

"I'm a hundred percent sure, trust me, I could never turn to the light side!"

Phasma lowered her blaster, but only a bit, "You'd never turn to the light side? How come I should believe you?"

"Think about everything that's happened, Phasma," Hux spoke in haste, fearing she might try to shoot him, "Do my actions seem like a man who would even consider joining the opposing team?"

Phasma finally lowered her weapon fully, "I guess not?"

Hux sighed with relief, "Besides, that's the second time in this series you've accused me of defecting. I'm not your former Stormtrooper, Captain." Hux stepped down from the silver platform, still with flag in hand.

"I suppose not, sir," Phasma said, "It's my fault. Ever since Finn deserted us I've been worried another trusted ally will do the same, no matter who it is."

Hux nodded, "Understandable, Captain, but we have more pressing concerns right now."

"Like what?" Phasma's helmet tilted in confusion.

Hux held the flag up, "Like what the fuck is up with this flag?"

* * *

"Where do you think we take it?" Phasma asked, referring to the flag. They had continued their walk, pondering on why they had taken the flag.

Hux was about to reply if it hadn't have been for a small group of Resistance soldiers who surrounded them.

"Put down our flag," One of them said, blaster up.

Hux looked around. There were only four of them. Can't be so hard.

He sighed, then, as if having no control of his actions, took out the man in front of him. He stabbed the pole forward, hitting the man in the ribs. Moving the pole up and hitting them hard on the jaw. Man down.

Not even noticing the other soldier shooting at him (Phasma now taking cover behind a tree, having hit one of the others down), Hux used the pole like a pole vault. But rather than jumping high, he jumped long, legs stretched out. He kicked another soldier in the face. Other man down.

Running up to the final soldier, Hux hit them once, twice, thrice with the pole, right in their face. Then kicked him in the abdomen for good measure. Final man down.

Looking over at the Captain, Hux went over.

"X, X, circle, triangle, L1-," Phasma was saying to herself.

"Captain!" Hux said, reaching up to her helmet, knocking his fist onto the top of her head.

"Aaah!" Phasma took a step away, "I'm fine. What?"

"I have no idea what's happening, but we gotta keep moving," Hux said, "The Resistance is following us!"

Phasma gestured to the flag, "What if it's this? Maybe we should ditch it."

And Hux tried. Oh he tried. He tried to make his hand let it go, tried to lean it against a tree. But he couldn't. It was like trying to get stubborn tape off your fingers. An invisible force (perhaps the Force itself?) keeping it attached to his hand.

"We should keep it," Phasma said when all efforts seemed futile.

He nodded, "Yeah, yeah, let's just hold on to it."

* * *

The flag disappeared soon after. Another group of Resistance soldiers had found them. Still small, but one managed to shoot Hux in the hand. He let out a loud yell, dropping the pole and flag mid-fight. Phasma and Hux managed to take out the group. Again, it seemed like they were a bunch of amateurs.

"Get the flag!" Phasma said once all soldiers were down.

"Where'd it go?" Hux said, looking around. They both did, but the flag wasn't there.

"What the fuck," Phasma whispered to herself, kicking some leaves. Perhaps it had been covered in the scuffle. They never found it again, and it would never be mentioned ever again.

* * *

Something was off, Kylo sensed it.

"That's weird," The Knight said to himself, reaching one hand into the cage, petting Doodles. His other arm petting Rivana, who lay on his lap. "Why do I have a bad feeling about this?"


	25. Cards Against Star Wars

**Summary: Characters play Cards Against Humanity, whether they have cards or not.**

It was almost impossible to imagine, in a galaxy filled with millions of beings – no, wait – _trillions upon trillions_ of beings, that a Vader-loving, evil figure of the Dark Side of the Force could even do a pouty face under their mask.

"But I want to look after them!" Kylo whined to Snoke, still petting Doodles and Rivana.

"Kylo, they're _mine_ ," Snoke said, "and they're being cared for just fine."

"But I want to be their mother," Kylo whispered. Rivana purred.

"Ya know, Phasma asked the same thing," Snoke said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. Then quickly waving his hand said, "Just as long as I get Rivana. Come on Rivana," Snoke whistled to the lizard.

Rivana got up, appearing as inconvenienced as a lizard could, slowly walking over to Snoke. "Let's go find these Jedi lovers, huh?" Snoke said to her. Rivana yawned in reply, but nonetheless started sniffing.  
"When I'm a billionaire," Kylo heard Snoke saying to Rivana as they walked away, "I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate Donald Trump."

That man was truly evil.

Kylo figured he should go and find Hux and Phasma soon, despite the fact Snoke forbade him to go anywhere. It was getting rather lonely, and the other Knights were talking about vehicular manslaughter and telling poorly timed holocaust jokes. They excluded him. For now.

* * *

"Look, I learned the hard way that you can't cheer up a grieving friend with a home video of Oprah sobbing into a Lean Cuisine," Finn told Rey, who looked like she _really_ didn't want to hear any more of what he had to say.

"Which friend was this?" Rey asked, despite herself.

Finn sighed, "It was Poe. Turns out he would just prefer to continue reading about bio-engineered assault turtles with acid breathe."

Rey frowned, "that makes sense I guess. What happened next?"

"A can of whoop-ass, that's what," Finn said, shaking his head, "But enough of this tragic telling. Can you sense it?"

"The Dark Side? Yes," Rey said. She wondered – hoped, really – that Luke would follow soon. They needed a master Jedi when going up against not just Snoke, but the Knights of Ren, and the most dangerous people in the First Order including Phasma and Hux. Sure, they weren't Force users, but non-Force users can be deadly when trained to fight against Jedi.

They were still in the forest – or woods, when did we stop calling it that? – It stopped snowing a while back now, the clouds clearing. Hopefully they'll be able to fight the battle in sun and not a snow storm.

They continued their trek, senses up, both on alert.

Finn then broke into a smile, "Fun question! What would you bring back in time to convince people you're a powerful magician?"

Rey looked down at her, or Obi-Wan's whatever, lightsaber, then replied with, "Darth Vader."

The answer confused Finn, who wasn't sure how she could even do that.

* * *

The flag long forgotten now by Phasma and Hux, who were still wondering around the forest, not a clue where they were. Phasma was trying to come up with games or jokes, or really anything to kill the time and get their minds off the disaster they were in.

"You know what gets better with age?" Phasma asked Hux.

"Alcoholism?" Hux suggested.

"Uh... no..." Phasma said.

"Unfathomable stupidity?"

"Must you be so depressing?" Phasma asked.

Hux shrugged, "I just don't like jokes."

"Oh, this wasn't a joke," Phasma said, "I was just thinking about _Cards Against Humanity_."

"Cards against _what_? How can cards be against humanity? Actually, wait, don't tell me," Hux said, "I don't want to know."

"It's a game, sir," Phasma explained, "I thought maybe you've played, considering your answers. My favourite for what gets better with age is _a zesty breakfast burrito_."

"Huh?" Was all Hux could say, trying to get over a giant tree trunk of a long-fallen tree. Phasma had it easier being much taller and went over it with ease.

"Okay, all right, what do you drink to forget?" Phasma asked, waiting as Hux was still trying to get over the trunk.

"Kylo's stupidity," Hux said with the roll of his eyes, "Your stupidity. My own stupidity!"

"Flightless birds," Phasma answered, ignoring Hux, "Penguins and Emus make me so angry."

Hux got over the trunk. Staring at Phasma, wondering how much more he had to put up of this. Maybe he should drink to forget this entire situation. He said nothing, turning away and continuing to walk.

Phasma was at least a little insulted.

* * *

Poe, Han and a few other pilots sat around the hanger, deciding to get a game in before they had to go to battle.

"If I die," Black Eight said, "I'm glad this was one of the last things I'm doing."

Han put down a black card, "War! What is it good for?"

White cards being placed down and Han said each of them out loud. " _Dying_. Well you're not wrong. _German Dungeon Porn_. I don't even want to know who put that one. _Growing a Pair_. I guess? _Land Mines._ Again, not wrong. And... _Bees?_ " For bees, Han had no comment.

In unison, everyone else said, " _Bees?_ "

Han didn't seem like he wanted to go with that one, but sighed and said, " _Bees?_ it is."

Poe punched the air with his fist in victory.

* * *

Laughter could be heard from... not quite in the scope of the living, but the one of the Force. Individuals who could appear to people of the living were the ones laughing, sitting on the roof of the Resistance Base.

"That one, my favourite it is," Yoda said, pointing to the card _three dicks at the same time_.

"Who played that one!?" Obi-Wan exclaimed. Although no one had to ask, for Anakin Skywalker was clutching his stomach, and would have difficulty breathing if he weren't already dead.

Obi-Wan read the black card again, "Here is the church. Here is the steeple, open the doors and there are _three dicks at the same time?_ That makes no sense!"

"My favourite, it is," Yoda insisted with a horrifying smile.

They heard the voice of Qui-Gon from around them, "You're all idiots... But splendid choice Master Yoda."


	26. LARP and the Fake Jedi

**Summary: Finn and Rey realise the bad guys get all the love.  
**

"I heard you're a player, so let's play a game."

"Huh?" Rey was tugged away from her thoughts. She looked over at Finn, wondering what he had said. The two were still hiking through the forest. Both sure they were lost, but didn't want to admit it.

"I said: Do you larp? We should play a game," Finn repeated (or did he?).

"Larp?" Rey asked, the term sounding familiar to her.

"Live action role playing," Finn stopped walking. Rey took it as a cue to stop walking too.

"Oh right, like tabletop, but we use ourselves," Rey said, "or like BDSM but without the sex."

"..."

"..."

"Anyway, yeah, we should pretend to be Jedi or something," Finn said.

"..."

"..."

"Finn," Rey said slowly, putting a hand on his shoulder, "You may have a concussion. But we're both already, sort of, Jedi." She held up Obi-Wan's lightsaber she carried to make her point.

Finn sighed, turning away, "I mean one of us pretends to be a Sith," he started walking again, Rey followed, Finn continuing, "and the other pretends to be a Jedi. Maybe from like, the Old Republic period, or during the reign of the Galactic Empire I dunno."

"What's the point?" Rey asked.

"Well for starters, I'm bored," Finn answered, "and also why the fuck not? Let's be real here. We're never going to get a chance to be the bad guy and everyone _loves_ a baddie! One of us may as well pretend. Get all the fan love."

"Dibs," Rey said.

Finn was taken aback, "I think we should maybe-,"

"Dibs," Rey repeated, interrupting him.

Silence. They had both stopped walking again.

Finn nodded, "All right, all right. Fine. Who do you want to be?"

"My gramps, obviously," Rey rolled her eyes like it couldn't be more obvious (well it wasn't).

"Anakin Skywalker?" Finn asked with confusion.

"I mean Vader, but same guy," Rey shrugged.

"All right... Hey! Maybe I could play Obi-Wan. We could re-enact the Mustafar event!"

"Good idea!" Rey said, then looked down at their lightsabers, "Maybe we could... swap lightsabers?"

Finn shrugged a sure-why-not. And they swapped lightsabers. Finn now with Obi-Wan's, Rey with her grandfather's. They both stared at the lightsabers for a moment, trying to hold them in their hands. But it was like something made it uncomfortable on purpose.

"You know maybe we should..." Rey held the lightsaber to Finn.

Finn nodded, "Yeah, yeah, I don't think it really, like" he didn't finish his sentence as they both swapped lightsabers back, becoming visibly comfortable again.

Being silent for a moment, they looked around, both making sure there was definitely nobody around.

"I'll still be Vader," Rey said, activating the lightsaber.

"All right," Finn activated his own.

Blue blade on blue blade. Interesting, considering the blades have crossed paths before as enemies. Both with a shared history. Tragic, filled with blood-shed. A history of a friendship long gone which powered the outcome of the galaxy.

Not that either of them realised this. Or if they did, not to the full extent.

"How dare you turn against me, Anakin, you two-timing ho," Finn started.

Rey put down her lightsaber, "You know I don't think Obi-Wan would say that."

Looking offended Finn said, "It's my take on the character!"

"HE WAS AN ACTUAL PERSON!"

* * *

It wasn't that Hux and Phasma were lost. Except they were. Everyone got lost in these woods...or forest... or whatever one wants to call them.

They hadn't spoken, mostly because Hux hated whatever game Phasma suggested. But they froze when they heard voices, two figures appearing in their view amongst all the trees.

"How could you!?" It was Finn, he and Rey were fighting. _With lightsabers_. Finn continued yelling, "Why!? What about your wife? Your children!"

Rey had a wife? Children? Hux and Phasma shared a puzzled look.

"Don't lecture me, Obi-Wan!" Rey yelled back, "I see through your lies!" Rey swung her lightsaber at Finn, who blocked easily.

What? Since when had Finn been Obi-Wan? They're insane! Or possessed by the spirits of the dead.

Hux and Phasma stood there in shock. It wasn't until Finn and Rey got closer when they noticed the two First Order members. Both Jedi quickly put their lightsabers behind their back, although they were still activated.

"We were just-," Finn started.

"You know just like doing stuff," Rey said, "practicing."

Phasma and Hux stared, both open mouthed (again, Phasma had her helmet on so they couldn't tell).

Finn confessed, "We were larping." He looked down at the ground, ashamed.

"Larping?" Hux asked, "What's larping?"

"Oh!" Phasma said, "Kylo's forced me to go larping a couple of times. Never wanted to admit it, but it's kinda fun."

"But what is it?" Hux asked, annoyed by the lack of answer.

"Live action roleplaying," Finn explained, "We pretend to be characters and act it out."

Wondering if this was the perfect time to voice his young dreams of becoming an actor, Hux crossed his arms, staring at Finn and Rey. Perhaps it best not to and instead he said, "That sounds... fascinating. So who were you...larping?"

"Mind-controlled killer fairies?" Phasma asked, sounding hopeful, "A man who develops a deep and meaningful relationship with a sex doll?"

"Well I'm my grandfather," Rey said.

And in unison Hux and Phasma said, "Anakin Skywalker?"

A beat. "Darth Vader," Rey corrected.

Silence.

"Dibs on the Emperor," Hux finally said.

"Dibs on a clone trooper," Phasma said.

The other three looked at her, wondering if they should tell her being a clone trooper would sort of defeat the purpose. Considering clone troopers had become Stormtroopers and she was... well. Ya know. But everyone stayed silent.

"And not just any trooper!" Phasma continued, "A captain! Or I guess I could settle on a commander..."

More silence.

Hux decided to add, "And I don't want to be killed by Belladonna."

"The pornstar?" Finn, Rey and Phasma all asked at the same time.

Hux stared at them individually, mouth slightly open in surprise, "...uh no, the poison."

One can only imagine how this will go.

* * *

Kylo was still sitting, petting Doodles who had fallen asleep trying to snuggle up against the bars. Rivana occasionally running up to him to be pet.

"I sense I'm missing out on fun," Kylo frowned. If only Snoke could just let him leave for fucks sake.

He needed to be brave and just go for it, or come up with a plan. Or _just_ _do it_.


	27. LARP and the Real Jedi

**Summary: It's probably not a good idea to LARP with the enemy in the middle of a war.**

"Darth Vader," Emperor Palpatine stood in his office, looking with ominous eyes at his new apprentice, "Head to the Jedi Temple and destroy all the Jedi. Have fun storming the temple. But then head to the Mustafar system where you will wipeout the remaining separatists. Only then will you bring peace and order to the galaxy!"

"What of Obi-Wan?" Vader asked, looking strangely feminine in figure.

Palpatine replied, "Obi-Wan Kenobi is now an enemy of this Republic... very soon to be Empire which of course is better... if you find Obi-Wan, kill him! Since Commander Cody was inept enough to let him get away."

"Hey it's not my fault!" Commander Cody said, the voice _not_ of a clone coming from under the helmet, "He did a bunch of force flips and escaped!"

"You dare speak to me in such a manner?" Palpatine said.

"Oh right... err... My apologies your Highness, but you understand what I mean yes?" The Commander said quickly.

The Emperor rolled his eyes, looking away from Cody, then to Vader, "Lord Vader, do what must be done."

"Yes, my master," Vader replied.

From above, a figure fell into the room interrupting the private conversation. It was Obi-Wan Kenobi!

"Master Kenobi, I see you found your way through the blockade and into my office, past so many guards," The Emperor said, "Lord Vader, destroy him."

Lightsabers clashed.

"Anakin, how could you do this?" Obi-Wan said, "How could you turn to the darkside?"

"Hold up a second," Cody said, "Shouldn't you two be fighting on Mustafar?"

A break in character. Everybody else sighing and looking over at Phasma.

"I don't know _why_ Kylo took you larping," Hux said, the posture he held as Palpatine changing to his own, "But you gotta be a kill joy, right Captain?"

"I'm just saying," Phasma said, "We're larping as historical characters in a historical setting, we should do it right."

Finn and Rey both turned off their lightsabers.

"I mean you're right," Rey said to Phasma, "but we're just sort of doing our own thing."

Birds chirped in the distance. They were still in the forest, amazed they had managed to pretend to be on Coruscant for so long.

* * *

 _Fuck it_ Kylo thought. Snoke wasn't even looking in his direction and seemed to have forgotten about him. Kylo stood up, telling Rivana to stay with Snoke – the lizard seemed adamant to follow him – and the Knight headed straight to the forest.

"Er, sir?" One of the troopers said, trying to figure out whether they should stop him entering or not.

Kylo put up his hand, palm facing towards the trooper, "Talk to the hand."

"Er yessir," the trooper said, letting him pass and not saying anymore.

Kylo could feel it. There were at least three force users in the forest, but he headed towards two of them. Two, he could feel, who were close to Hux and Phasma.

And if his friends were in trouble then he _had_ to save them.

* * *

An argument still happening over their performance of the Rise of the Empire. Phasma wanted to be historically accurate. Sure, but role playing never really was. Finn wanted Obi-Wan to come in early otherwise he wouldn't have anything to do. Also a very legitimate reason for not going with historical accuracy.

"Okay, you know why this is complicated?" Finn asked, "I'm the only good guy here, there should be another one!"

"You mean three good guys," Phasma corrected, "One bad guy."

Hux nodded with agreement.

Rey let out a humourless laugh, "No, Finn's right. One good guy."

Now the argument turned away from role playing, instead quarreling about the philosophies of good and evil.

* * *

Kylo stopped walking, sensing the third presence getting closer to the other two.

Did Hux and Phasma _really_ need that much saving? It felt like they were all right. And really, it's not like Hux and Phasma would be stupid enough to get into a fight with a Jedi, they'd be smart enough and run for it.

Right?

* * *

"Do you sense that?" Rey said suddenly stopping the argument the four of them were having. A sudden recognisable presence coming closer.

Finn let out a breath, "Luke!"

They all snapped out of larping mode, remembering what was actually happening. The battle, the war between their two factions.

Finn and Rey turned to Hux and Phasma, lightsabers activated again.

"Don't shoot at anyone with a lightsaber," Phasma said to Hux, remembering what Kylo had told her.

"I wasn't about to," Hux said. The two of them slowly backing away from the two Jedi (or Jedi apprentices, but in this day and age it may as well be the same thing).

"Run?" Phasma asked.

Nodding, Hux said, "Run!"

The two ran off like there was no tomorrow.

Neither Finn nor Rey bothered to chase after them. With Phasma and Hux gone, Finn and Rey turned off their lightsabers, turning, seeing a figure hiding in the shadows of the trees. They knew who it was, but he spoke anyway, "I'm Luke Skywalker. I'm here to rescue you."

* * *

Two force ghosts watched the entire role play.

"You know despite some inaccuracy they had their moments," Anakin said, impressed by his evil depiction by his granddaughter.

Obi-Wan nodded, "I heartily agree, old friend."


	28. Parting Ways

**Summary: Together again, but almost immediately they need to separate.**

Kylo knew Hux and Phasma were getting closer to him. They had been smart to run for it so they wouldn't come up against Skywalker.

Waiting, waiting... Kylo finally spotted the general appearing from behind the tree, followed by the Captain.

"General," Kylo smiled under his mask, running towards him. Behind the Knight was Rivana, staying close by his feet.

Slow motion, like running across a meadow of flowers, except they were in a forest, having to run around trees, step over branches. Kylo went in for a hug, ultimately rejected by Hux who stretched his hand out to stop him. Wow, heartbreaking much? And we're back to normal speed. Hux shook his head, looking nervous about having to hug him.

"I, er, have your music box," Hux reached into his coat, pulling it out, passing it to Kylo.

"I told you," Kylo said, pushing the outstretched hand away, "Keep it."

"Um, you said to ask later about who gave it to you," Hux said.

Kylo sighed, "You know when I said that I meant after the movie comes out. I need to find out about my past, then I can form the story."

Hux was nodding through the entire explanation, "oh of course. Right, right."

Kylo clasped Hux's face into his hands, coming closer to him and asking, "Are you all right? I sensed you were in danger."

A very confused Hux, who probably wouldn't have asked that same question or in the same way himself, "I'm fine."

"I am too," Phasma said, feeling very much like a third wheel. At least Rivana was too, and the lizard made a strange sound, like she was agreeing with Phasma.

But her speaking got Kylo away from Hux, letting go of the general and going over to Phasma. He laughed as he hugged her saying, "I'm glad you're all right too!"

Phasma shrugged when they let go of each other, "We've just had an interesting adventure."

"I'll hear all about it later," Kylo said.

All three of them could hear ships overhead, X-Wings coming closer. They had to get back.

* * *

Rivana had gone running back to Kylo, much to Snoke's chagrin. He was also the only one there to organise the troops. Hopefully the trio would be back soon. The General sort of had to, ya know, be a General. The Captain a captain, and Snoke will be damned if he didn't have all his Knights here, especially his best. Not to mention his force forsaken Dark Lizard. It's not like she was cheap.

At least he had Doodles, he thought, as he looked over at the rancor who was slowly recovering from the alcohol.

* * *

"Initiate emergency protocol 417," Poe said, leaning back in his pilots chair. Some affirmative beeping from BB-8 and a small panel on the control board opened. A wine glass came up.

"You really think we'll die?" Poe heard one of his fellow pilots ask over the connection.

"Not a clue," Poe picked up the glass, "But I may as well have one more drink."

"You've already had eight," another pilot said.

Why did they have to judge him, for forces sake? He sips his wine, not answering them.

* * *

Finn and Rey had received their orders from Luke. The two shook hands then hugged as they prepared to split up.

"Stay safe," Rey said, "If we stick to the plan, we'll be fine."

"Yeah," Finn nodded, "be careful though. Hux, Phasma and Kylo are still around. Somewhere."

Neither wanted to leave, fearing what would happen in the coming battle. But they were Jedi. They had to fight. And the sound of X-Wings overhead comforted them. Poe would be going in to battle and they had to be there with him.

One last nod to each other, no more words shared, they split.

* * *

Almost back at the clearing (again. How often do they leave? What is happening?) Kylo stopped, becoming rigid.

"What is it?" Hux asked, looking concerned.

"You have to keep going," Kylo could sense it tingling in the back of his mind, "I need to go back."

"Go back? Why?" Phasma asked, "Isn't Skywalker out there? Won't you just get killed?"

"No," Kylo answered, "It's not Skywalker heading this way. Go back to base. _Don't_ argue with me General, we're not on Starkiller Base," Kylo noticed Hux took _that_ stance. That stance he always took ready to argue with whomever he spoke.

Now was _not_ the time to argue.

There was silence between the three of them, until Hux gave a nod and said, "Fine," he looked over at Phasma, "Let's go Captain. Kylo will handle the Jedi."

"But-," Phasma started.

"No!" Both Hux and Kylo said in unison.

Phasma mumbled something, sounding disgruntled, but she followed Hux as they left. Kylo shooed Rivana away making sure the lizard went with the other two. She needed to return to Snoke. He watched them leave, then turned to face the direction where he could sense Finn coming his way. This Jedi-in-training could not be allowed to live.


	29. Sound of Silence

**Summary: Kylo and Finn get into one last lightsaber duel. And Kylo could probably have won too if it weren't for, well,** _ **him**_ **.**

"Hello darkness, my old friend," Finn said, the light of his blade reflecting in his face.

"I've come to talk with you again," Kylo sang, dramatic gesturing, "Because a vision soooftly creeping, left its seeds while-,"

"Whoa dude, what the fuck?" Finn put his lightsaber down, bewildered, "This isn't a song contest."

"Oh, sorry," Kylo said, now holding up his lightsaber, "despite your grave tone, I thought you had started singing Simon and Garfunkel."

"Garfunkel? What's that? A guacamole?"

"Oh hell no!" Kylo swung at Finn, who parried easily. "You don't get to insult Simon and Garfunkel!"

"Here I thought maybe we could get along," Finn said, now his turn to attack.

Kylo blocked, "Just because we're both interested in fanfiction, doesn't mean we're besties! Besides, you'd think anyone would find better use of their time than to write fanfiction about characters in a movie that hasn't even come out yet!"

Now it was Finn's turn to be angry, "Oh no, gurlfriend! You did not just-," Finn fell silent, having hit Kylo so he stumbled back, helmet knocked off. He had never seen Kylo's face before. Damn. But Finn ignored those thoughts, taking his chance, lifting his hand up and sending Kylo back a few more meters away from him. It didn't end up injuring the Knight at all and he got up easily. Between the trees and falling snow, he saw the red bladed lightsaber turning on again.

"Nice hair, biatch," Finn taunted, although feeling only a little more than _flipping terrified_.

Kylo went forward snarling, "I have _great_ hair." Great, floofy, helmet hair.

* * *

Snoke was getting on edge, hands shaking, pacing back and forth with worry. The troopers were getting prepared, the TIEs readying to attack.

"Sir, what do we do?" a lieutenant asked.

"I have no idea," Snoke said, freaking out, "I can't organise an attack, an army! Where's the General? Oh dear force. And where's the Captain to lead the troops? And where's Kylo? We need Kylo!"

Nobody could answer Snoke, because nobody knew where they were.

A heavenly light pointed towards the forest, two figures appearing, dark lizard behind them, angel choruses in the background announcing their arrival.

"General, Captain!" Snoke said, a wave of relief from him and everyone else.

"Sir, we're here to lead-," Phasma started when they both reached Snoke. Perhaps prepared for death. After all they had disobeyed his orders going after the music box. Instead, Snoke grabbed them both into a hug. "Force bless that you're here! We would've lost, I had no idea what to do!"

A lowly lieutenant grumbled next to Snoke, " _I_ would have known what to do." But they were ignored.

* * *

No more joking or witty one liners from Finn or Kylo, both concentrating hard to kill each other.

"When I'm done with you, I will kill the ones you love," Finn said.

"Whoa," Kylo parried, then kicking Finn hard, "A little dark for a Jedi. But if you hurt Phasma or Hux-,"

"You love Hux more, so he'll get the short straw," Finn said, looking about as deadly as a demanding puppy.

"Okay for starters I don't love him _more_ , the emotions are just a little different," Kylo argued, "And secondly, you are the biggest dick I ever had the pleasure of-,"

Falling into silence, Kylo stopped mid-strike. He turned his head, a figure between the trees.

Oh.

Oh no.

Not him.

But yes, it was. It was him.

 _Luke Skywalker_. In all his glory... no, not like that type of glory. He wore clothes. Like, in all his Jedi glory. The Force radiating from him like a... radiator. Like the really potent radiators, correctly bought and placed. I mean, you could buy aluminium (which is more expensive and radiates heat better), but apparently you don't necessarily _need_ alloy radiators. It really depends on your home. Always google to find out which radiator is best for you. If you have little room, something like mirror radiators could be cool. Basically, always research about which radiator would be best. And Luke Skywalker is that radiator you've googled excessively about and asked trusted professionals which one you think you should buy. He's that radiator. Cause he's that good.

Kylo backed away. Yeah, he wasn't stupid enough to get in a fight with _this_ guy.

The green blade turned on in slow motion, the Force revelling in such use. Kylo turned and ran. Or he couldn't, actually, because he felt an invisible force (i.e. The Force) grab him and pull him backwards, right at Skywalker's feet. Green blade coming down, Kylo rolled out of the way. Finn even came up but Kylo just registered Skywalker saying "I'll handle this. _Go_!"

The Knight got up, swinging at Skywalker, who blocked with no effort. The Jedi managed blow after blow. No sweat. No need for break. Kylo was gritting his teeth, now on the defensive, having too many near misses. Luke aimed for his arm. Kylo moved out of the way, but Luke's saber hit across his wrist. Not right through at least, so his hand remained intact. But Kylo roared in pain from the deep cut, swapping his lightsaber to his other hand.

"You should join us, Kylo," Luke said, face hidden under a hood.

"Never," Kylo huffed, face sweaty, trying to stop the tears of pain. He kept his saber in front of him, doing his best to stay standing.

"The Dark Side is corrupt, I promise to show you the right way," Luke said.

Tired, in pain. Kylo could feel himself becoming unsteady. He sensed Luke would no longer attack if he did not. So he ran. He ran back to where he felt he would be safest.

* * *

Rey met up with an army of Resistance soldiers, hiding deeper in the woods.

"We all ready?" She asked, feeling something inside her empty without Poe and Finn at her side. But they soon would be together again, on the battle field. Metaphorically speaking in Poe's case mostly. He would be up in the air, shooting down TIE Fighters. And if TIE Fighters were like anything anyone said they were, then they'd be very shield less and easy to take down.

Of course there'd be a shit load of them so there was that tiny problem too.

"Ready to follow the Jedi, we are," a short soldier said. Weird sounding fellow. Rey couldn't see what they looked like under the mask.

"Well, I'm no Jedi," Rey said, the lightsaber would make people argue otherwise.

"You're close enough," another soldier said, "We're ready when you are. Lead the way."

* * *

Leia prepared to direct the entire battle from the base. If things didn't go as planned, she had back-ups. But for now, everything was in order. And although there was an army being sent out, there were many evacuating and Leia had to stay there to make sure that didn't go awry either.

"Stay safe," she said to Han, as she went over to him in the Hanger. He and Chewie would go into battle in the Falcon.

"I will," Han said, the two kissing. Some young children passing by going 'Ew! Gross'. But it amused the elder couple.

Leia watched the Falcon leave the base, turning to head to the Command Operation room.

* * *

"You know it's nice seeing them with those lightsabers," Obi-Wan mused, "Almost like being with them in spirit."

Anakin looked at Obi-Wan, wondering if he should break the news to him. Or maybe his Master made a deliberate pun.

"Yes, this battle will be epic," Anakin said, "I wonder if we can join them somehow. Have you seen Master Yoda?"

"He left running somewhere," Obi-Wan said, "Prattling on about possessing the weak-minded."

"Huh," was all Anakin said, crossing his arms.

The two watched together as ten thousand troopers, maybe more, were about to start battle. There was silence, except perhaps the wind sweeping through the clearing.

Then Obi-Wan whispered to Anakin something that would cause them both to go into fits of laughter, "Do you think they stand _a ghost_ of a chance?"


	30. Likely as a Rancor in a Tutu

**Summary: War! Between the First Order and the Resistanc** e.

The clouds cleared, the soldiers ready. The X-Wings and TIE Fighters were moving in closer from the distance.

Snoke stared as the Resistance soldiers appeared out of the trees, behind him his own troops had been coming down from the fleet. Gathering up, preparing.

Doodles the rancor roared in his cage beside him.

Hux and Phasma stood close by too. The General insisting he shouldn't be in the fight, he should be in Command, ordering people around.

"And you can do it from here, General," is what Snoke said.

The silence could've lasted a life time.

Snoke drew in a breath and bellowed "ATTACK!"

Battle cries "For the Empire!" or "For the Republic!"

Soldiers running forward and meshing, clear lines of troops fading. The ships met in the middle too, in blaster fire and explosions.

Snoke still stood beside the rancor cage and Rivana, not having moved. Remaining calm, "We will crush the Resistance, once and for all."

Hux was quite the opposite, on edge and nervous. Phasma trying hard to keep at attention. When a Resistance soldier got near them, she shot them before they got to Hux.

"Where's Kylo?" Hux asked, scanning the battlefield near the forest for any red lightsaber blades. He spotted a blue one, Rey having run out from the side, surprising the Order with a battalion of more soldiers.

"Look sir!" Phasma pointed in the other direction. Coming out of the forest, lightsaber ablaze and _helmetless_ , was Kylo. He ran past troops with ease, cutting down the enemy. Even helping out First Order Troopers on the way.

Kylo was a few metres away from them when his hands outstretched towards them. Coming from behind, flying between Hux and Phasma, was a Resistance soldier. Kylo pulled the soldier towards himself, beheading them as he walked forward.

"Miss me?" Kylo asked, and the other two could only stare at Kylo's actual face. Mask gone.

Hux and Phasma shared a look, then to Kylo. Hux said, "We were hoping you wouldn't get yourself killed battling the Jedi."

"Oh yeah, speaking of the Jedi," Kylo looked over to Snoke, "Milord, its Luke Skywalker. I came across him."  
"Did you kill him?" Snoke asked.

"No, sir," Kylo said, "I wasn't strong enough..."

"You fought him?" Hux asked, concerned, "And you survived? Are you all right?"

"He cut my wrist," Kylo said, showing the burn on his gloved hand. It was hard to tell how deep it was at the moment. Hux took hold of his hand, inspecting the wrist closely, wondering if it was serious enough to call for a medic. But Kylo took his hand away slowly, smiling and caressing the General, but moved away quick when Snoke spoke.

"I shall handle Skywalker when he gets here." then Snoke said to Rivana, "Go child, kill the enemy."

Rivana ran off, looking gleeful to be allowed to murder. Snoke ended up being surrounded by some soldiers, his own ligthsaber coming into action and battled.

Phasma, Hux and Kylo remained rather ignored. Except for the occasional random person who tried to kill them, but they swiftly shot them (or stabbed them) dead.

"You think we'll win this battle?" Hux asked.

Phasma shrugged, then in amusement, "Sounds about as likely as a rancor in a tutu."

* * *

Snoke had finished taking out the soldiers who had been stupid enough to try to kill him. He yelled out "RELEASE THE RANCOR."

Nobody did that. Snoke grumbled, going up to the cage himself, using his lightsaber to cut it open. Doodles stumbled out, roaring loud again.

"DESTROY THEM! DESTROY THEM ALL!" Snoke yelled out. The rancor obliged, but took the 'all' a little too seriously. It didn't just slaughter Resistance soldiers, but also some of the Order's Troopers. The Supreme Leader just shrugged.

* * *

Our First Order trio stared at the rancor in a teal tutu, picking people up and biting off their heads.

Phasma laughed, "How did putting the tutu on the rancor actually go by the way?"

"Very anticlimactic," Kylo said, frowning, "a complete rip-off really. Who's writing this thing?"

Phasma smirked, moving on from that conversation, "And how's all that finishing off what Vader started stuff going?"

Kylo glared, "If you haven't noticed, I've been a tad lil bit busy."

"And your helmet is missing," Hux finally said, curiosity making him wish to ask about its absence.

Kylo felt his face, "Oh yeah, it got knocked off. Huh. I'll go into the forest and get it back later."

In the distance Phasma and Hux, for Kylo was facing away, spotted Luke Skywalker and Finn coming out of the forest entering the fray.

"GENERAL HUX," They heard Snoke say, "YOU TAKE IT FROM HERE." Then Snoke ran off, preparing to fight Luke Skywalker. The other Knights of Ren gathering towards the other Jedi.

Whatever Snoke had meant by 'take it from here' was ignored. With Hux lighting up, looking excited, he looked towards his comrades "He called me the right name, guys! He called me Hux!"

"General," Kylo said with a small smile, looking pleased by Hux's happiness, something which the General didn't tend to show.

"He called me Hux!" Hux said, he reached up and kissed Phasma on the cheek of her helmet. Then he looked at Kylo, grabbing hold of the front of his clothes, "Snoke called me Hux!"

Kylo chuckled, "He did, he did call you Hux."

And instead of kissing Kylo on the cheek, Hux went straight for the mouth. And the two stood there snogging.

Phasma politely looked away. Watching the surrounding battle. She spotted a Resistance soldier come up, ready to shoot towards them. But he put down his weapon upon seeing Kylo and Hux, saying "Naaww, kawaii desu."

Phasma shot him in the face while she had the chance.

* * *

When the body fell to the ground, Yoda appeared beside Anakin and Obi-Wan.

"Unexpected, that was."

"Did you manage to get yourself _killed_?" Obi-Wan asked, incredulous, "I can't believe we can actually die again."

"Die, I did not! Possessing someone I was! To help," Yoda glared, "Say the same thing for you, I cannot. What have you been doing, hmm? No help you are!"

Anakin stayed innocent, "I don't know what you're talking about Master Yoda."

"Resting around, being lazy! Drinking your martinis," Yoda jabbed his cane in Anakin's direction, gesturing towards what the former Sith carried in his hand.

"Whaaaaaaa-," Anakin threw away his glass, "Master, we would _never_."

With his cane, the Jedi Grandmaster hit them both in the shins repeatedly.

* * *

When Hux and Kylo let go of each other, looking rather flustered and embarrassed, Phasma grabbed hold of the both of them pulling them into a hug.

Around them the battle continued. Rivana ripping the faces off the Resistance soldiers. Doodles still biting off heads. Snoke and Luke in an epic lightsaber match. Finn and Rey ran past at one point, screaming something, waving their lightsabers. The Millennium Falcon came into battle overhead, helping X-Wings take out TIE Fighters with ease. It was looking rather bleak for the First Order.

"I love you guys," Phasma said, squeezing them tight.

"I love you guys too," Kylo said, smiling.

Phasma and Kylo looked expectantly at Hux.

The General grumbled, muttering something similar to, "Yeah, I guess." The other two couldn't help but laugh.

 _PLEASE NOTE: The events of this series transpired in an ALTERNATE UNIVERSE before the revelation of what happened in what may be called STAR WARS CANON. It is out of character, ambiguous at most and does not take place in the same galaxy far far away which the humans of earth are shown on the big screen._ _  
_ _This universe was documented by myself, brought over to be read by you, The Reader. A transcript of the shenanigans induced by the will of The Force. May it be read scarcely, sparingly and taken with a pinch of salt._ _  
_ _Heed, dear Readers, the effects of this series. Especially if read in the time period of PRE-FORCE AWAKENS. If you have read this post-film, then know its non-canoness.  
I bid thee farewell, dear Readers, and GOOD LUCK with any upcoming STAR WARS film._

 _ **This is the Sith Lord DARTH DARTH BINKS signing off.**_


End file.
